Revival
Hey there everyone, this blog has been revamped to once again my own skin. Though I must say it wasn't my best attempt at it. But I guess I didn't really have the mood to carry on. As you can see the content area look so slipshod. Ah well, I'll forgive myself. ;)

So it crossed my mind many things today. For one, not everyone can accomodate a sticky boyfriend nor a moderately insecure one. I consider myself moderately insecure, but for some they might as I'm extremely insecure. But well, whatever floats everyone's boat is good. I'm not sure whether he can either, it feels like he can't. But still, we'll see. This part of me have not died no matter how I tried.

With the second Bryan, I tried not to be so sticky. The result was that I was trying to bury my love. Stifling, suffocating, and sooner than later... The feelings faded to gray. Then to nothing. With the first Bryan, well... He really made the time he spent with me count, but after which he too started seeing me less and once again my heart begged for more. No matter how hard I controlled it, it still screams. And surely, it started fading too.

Then there were the arguments over the matter of me being sticky, it really tire me. Perhaps what people want isn't a commitment. Perhaps what people want is not me. They like my heart, but has no space big enough to accomodate the entire me. Or maybe they like my looks (Which I must say, I'm only mediocre), but are not able to accept the entire me.

But in a different perspective, maybe it was me who didn't understand them. Perhaps I was the one blinded by my own selfish vision of wanting to be with whoever. That maybe the other also have their commitments to attend to. Perhaps no relationship is good relationship for me? I don't know exactly.

Then another issue is about being gay. Now I'm slightly older from the last time I discussed about this, and perhaps I've gained a little more insight and enlightenment - Just maybe. Now for some being gay comes as naturally as one breaths. But for some they are pressurized by their surroundings to be who they are not. Or maybe some people enjoy the comfort of being "normal" too, you never know.

Before we go on, lets discuss what's normal. The norm is what the society decides as "majority wins". That's normal. What everyone else is comfortable with, the norm would be fine with it too. But think, what about the minority. So the minority has no voice nor the rights to be "normal"? The answer to that is no. We have the rights of our own life and our voice. Speak out, dare to be, you can feel as normal as you want. They can judge, but remember - You are your own master. No one judges you, you judge yourself.

So now that I'm done with discussing what's "normal", there are so many different type of gays. Discreet, sissy, openly gay (this does not mean sissy) and closetted gay(There is a difference with being discreet). There may be more types I've missed out, but these are the general few. What I find is that closetted and discreet gay feels oppressed. And thus the reason to be this way. And then the sissy and openly gay may face difficulties such as judgement. Also, they may be viewed in a different light. Like they are "one kind".

But sometimes, people have to take a chance, a leap or perhaps a dare. You won't know till you've tried, right? This is the 21st Century, being conservative is so over. It's the promotion of an open society now no? Stand up, be who you are. Be comfortable with who you are. Be it you feel comfortable being discreet, openly gay, whatever. You are who you are. If you think you're not morally wrong, then go ahead and do what you must. A sexual preference should not be discriminated by law, nor set in stone.

Whichever religion oppresses homosexualism, what do you think gives them the rights? What a religion teach should only be morals. That one should love their mom, to love their surroundings. To give and to get in return. And sometimes to give without expecting returns. Such things and not banning what they thought is "wrong". Believe in what you believe is rightfully correct. The other teachings they have that you don't believe in? Call it bullshit.

Sounds like a motivational speech no? But what I'm really trying to say is. Believe. In who you are, and never forget to believe in your beliefs. And by the way, lets take the gay I mentioned as homosexual so it can apply to all.

That's a huge load off my chest, but not everything off my chest. My heart is still breaking and yearning. It's really tiring...
Thursday, November 18, 2010 @ 21:53

Mirror
People ought to start looking in the mirror and reflecting.

Ignore. Delete. Block.

Erased 3 useless beings from my life.

Come again never.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010 @ 03:04

Sad Piano Music


Disappeared for a moment, just a moment of silence.
Thursday, June 10, 2010 @ 22:02

Fuck Off
Rest not in peace as the fire burns.
Be thrown to hell, as the heaven turns.
Believe in what could have been lies,
And not in what we see as ties that binds.

Seeing no longer meant believing,
Feeling no longer has the reason.
Look behind closed eyes and say,
That you have not committed treason.

These words that twists its truths,
Bent with unholy bruise.
An angel has fallen from thy dark skies,
Risen from your sinful ruse.

Burn in hell you shall be cursed,
Flip and die with your pitiful mirth.
Your oath for eternity dies this day,
As both of us walked our seperate ways.
Thursday, April 15, 2010 @ 17:40

Bits And Pieces Of Updates
Hey everyone! I'm back again! *Cheers* Lol. I haven't had much to post nowadays, but I shall try to make this update as long as I possibly can. :D So what's been going on lately? Lets start with the most recent event!

Emo Section (Start to slit your wrists! Yea, slit your's, not mine.)

I've been thinking who I am to him. Why do I feel like I'm not placed somewhere of priority in his life. Like, I won't ever be the first person to appear in his mind. And here I am placing him at the top of my list, making sure that nothing tops that. Perhaps I was stupid, but it's just me who always give my whole heart in. And recently, it just feels like we have nothing to talk about. Maybe we haven't been together long enough that's why. It's always a phase I go through. *Sigh* He's not perfect, I understand. But I'm starting to see compatibility differences. I'm afraid, there are some things I need that he don't give. And he's not asking, and even when I do say, I suppose he forgets it soon. I don't mean to place stress on him, cause I know he has way too many other things to take care of. But at the rate this goes on, perhaps no stress means no relationship.

End of Emo Section (Alright you may stop slitting)

Today I've gone to the Science Centre! Woohoo~ Lol. So what's interesting in there? Forces of Nature in the Omni-Theatre was interesting. But I wasn't feeling that well sitting there and having the huge gigantic spinning zooming about. I felt like puking. Lol. After which exitting it was such a relief, and I went to look around at the displays. It's surprising they had little change over the years. But oh well, people are still visiting, so I guess they are not irrelevant yet. But today didn't really get a good start. Ended off not so well either. I'm having second thoughts.

Yesterday, been to IMM to have lunch and after which I went to the arcade to play WMMT3. Following which I was sent home, being told he had personal things to settle. Past stuff. I don't know what. I wish to know what. But lets just leave it as that. If there should be secrets, then let there be.

Day before yesterday, went to school for the Industry Night thing. After that went to catch How To Train A Dragon (3D) AGAIN. Lol. I held my pee throughout the entire show. And I went to the toilet before I went in. How active is my bladder? <_< Anyways, I watched it a second time, but luckily the movie wasn't boring. So it's ok. Some other things happened, not really happy things, but lets just leave it.

Had chalet from last Fri - Sunday. It was an okok experience la. Nothing special. Sitting at the beach is nice. Every other stuff, not so much. I feel like I don't fit in. Nor do I like some people. But I shall not go into details. Perhaps it's my mistake to have gone there.

Will we last long enough? I don't know anymore.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010 @ 22:30

The Play
A play of fate,
A twist of destiny.
The dice rolled,
And the path seperated.

Lets take a gamble,
Lets make it big.
If it gets dangerous,
Lets fold the cards.

But this time,
Lets take it all the way.
Think naught of the bet,
And raise the stakes.

A ten of spades and
A jack of all trades,
A queen that will take
A king to dominate.

With the last play of cards,
I showed my hands.
I threw it all in,
And took a breathe.

Holding my cards,
And holding my breathe.
Feeling the shivering glances,
They held their decisions.

But followed right up,
Showing their hands.
It was the last game,
And the last play.

The curtains shall fall,
A winner decided.
Some will leave with disappointment,
Others will applaud with a standing ovation.

For a play,
Could hardly satisfy everyone.
With each their own tastes,
And their preferences.

The dealer dealt his cards,
Shadows concealing.
I rest my hands upon it,
Forcing the card to my will.

Taking it up,
I saw the darkness.
I closed my eyes,
Feelings overwhelmed.

I threw my card down,
And took my stand.
I saw their awe,
As they hid their hands.

And so tonight,
I was triumphant.
With 4 cards of fate,
And an Ace of Spades.
Saturday, March 13, 2010 @ 15:08

Tumblr Account
I guess I'll be posting mini updates of my life here: http://jinstories.tumblr.com

If you have a Tumblr and wish for me to link you, do tell me. ;)

Follow me and I'll follow you yea! :D I guess I'll have this blog for more major posts, like when I want to tell a really long story, or a huge update of my life, basically if I feel like typing an essay, it goes here.

And if I feel like I just want to dump abit of how I feel out, it goes to Tumblr. Twitter would have been good, but I don't know... I'll use Tumblr for now. xD So yeap, I'll keep a link in the navigations so you guys can find it if this post disappears.


After learning about the news, the first thought that came to my mind was.. Again?

I don't mean to be mean, because some stuff goes way back. Some stuff that etched itself into my memory, scarring me permanently. You can say 10 years has passed, but that memory is still there. Like it happened only yesterday.

I've tried forgiving, yes I have. But some things just don't change in me. And now I've learnt about the news, it feels like nothing but trouble. Who's going to keep paying for all these bills, all these fees, everything? Us! Why did it come down to this? Because since that day, everything changed and we are no longer well-to-do. The image of you is broken. And everything else broke too.

Perhaps you could have remedied the situation, but you did not. Even now, you still have the addiction. And now this. My eldest brother is the only working sibling. Who's going to support everything now? Me? I still have NS. My second bro? He's still schooling! And of course I won't want my mom to be out there slogging.

Please, have some self-reflection. Think of what you've caused and done. Tell me you have some sense left in you. I may be crude, but what can I do when that's how I feel?
Tuesday, March 9, 2010 @ 18:25