My Life

Revival

2010-11-18T21:53:00.003+08:00

Hey there everyone, this blog has been revamped to once again my own skin. Though I must say it wasn't my best attempt at it. But I guess I didn't really have the mood to carry on. As you can see the content area look so slipshod. Ah well, I'll forgive myself. ;)

So it crossed my mind many things today. For one, not everyone can accomodate a sticky boyfriend nor a moderately insecure one. I consider myself moderately insecure, but for some they might as I'm extremely insecure. But well, whatever floats everyone's boat is good. I'm not sure whether he can either, it feels like he can't. But still, we'll see. This part of me have not died no matter how I tried.

With the second Bryan, I tried not to be so sticky. The result was that I was trying to bury my love. Stifling, suffocating, and sooner than later... The feelings faded to gray. Then to nothing. With the first Bryan, well... He really made the time he spent with me count, but after which he too started seeing me less and once again my heart begged for more. No matter how hard I controlled it, it still screams. And surely, it started fading too.

Then there were the arguments over the matter of me being sticky, it really tire me. Perhaps what people want isn't a commitment. Perhaps what people want is not me. They like my heart, but has no space big enough to accomodate the entire me. Or maybe they like my looks (Which I must say, I'm only mediocre), but are not able to accept the entire me.

But in a different perspective, maybe it was me who didn't understand them. Perhaps I was the one blinded by my own selfish vision of wanting to be with whoever. That maybe the other also have their commitments to attend to. Perhaps no relationship is good relationship for me? I don't know exactly.

Then another issue is about being gay. Now I'm slightly older from the last time I discussed about this, and perhaps I've gained a little more insight and enlightenment - Just maybe. Now for some being gay comes as naturally as one breaths. But for some they are pressurized by their surroundings to be who they are not. Or maybe some people enjoy the comfort of being "normal" too, you never know.

Before we go on, lets discuss what's normal. The norm is what the society decides as "majority wins". That's normal. What everyone else is comfortable with, the norm would be fine with it too. But think, what about the minority. So the minority has no voice nor the rights to be "normal"? The answer to that is no. We have the rights of our own life and our voice. Speak out, dare to be, you can feel as normal as you want. They can judge, but remember - You are your own master. No one judges you, you judge yourself.

So now that I'm done with discussing what's "normal", there are so many different type of gays. Discreet, sissy, openly gay (this does not mean sissy) and closetted gay(There is a difference with being discreet). There may be more types I've missed out, but these are the general few. What I find is that closetted and discreet gay feels oppressed. And thus the reason to be this way. And then the sissy and openly gay may face difficulties such as judgement. Also, they may be viewed in a different light. Like they are "one kind".

But sometimes, people have to take a chance, a leap or perhaps a dare. You won't know till you've tried, right? This is the 21st Century, being conservative is so over. It's the promotion of an open society now no? Stand up, be who you are. Be comfortable with who you are. Be it you feel comfortable being discreet, openly gay, whatever. You are who you are. If you think you're not morally wrong, then go ahead and do what you must. A sexual preference should not be discriminated by law, nor set in stone.

Whichever religion oppresses homosexualism, what do you think gives them the rights? What a religion teach should only be morals. That one should love their mom, to love their surroundings. To give and to get in return. And sometimes to give without expecting returns. Such things and not banning what they thought is "wrong". Believe in what you believe is rightfully correct. The other teachings they have that you don't believe in? Call it bullshit.

Sounds like a motivational speech no? But what I'm really trying to say is. Believe. In who you are, and never forget to believe in your beliefs. And by the way, lets take the gay I mentioned as homosexual so it can apply to all.

That's a huge load off my chest, but not everything off my chest. My heart is still breaking and yearning. It's really tiring...

Mirror

2010-06-22T03:04:00.001+08:00

People ought to start looking in the mirror and reflecting.

Ignore. Delete. Block.

Erased 3 useless beings from my life.

Come again never.

Sad Piano Music

2010-06-10T22:02:00.001+08:00

Disappeared for a moment, just a moment of silence.

Fuck Off

2010-04-15T17:40:00.002+08:00

Rest not in peace as the fire burns.
Be thrown to hell, as the heaven turns.
Believe in what could have been lies,
And not in what we see as ties that binds.

Seeing no longer meant believing,
Feeling no longer has the reason.
Look behind closed eyes and say,
That you have not committed treason.

These words that twists its truths,
Bent with unholy bruise.
An angel has fallen from thy dark skies,
Risen from your sinful ruse.

Burn in hell you shall be cursed,
Flip and die with your pitiful mirth.
Your oath for eternity dies this day,
As both of us walked our seperate ways.

Bits And Pieces Of Updates

2010-03-31T22:30:00.003+08:00

Hey everyone! I'm back again! *Cheers* Lol. I haven't had much to post nowadays, but I shall try to make this update as long as I possibly can. :D So what's been going on lately? Lets start with the most recent event!

Emo Section (Start to slit your wrists! Yea, slit your's, not mine.)

I've been thinking who I am to him. Why do I feel like I'm not placed somewhere of priority in his life. Like, I won't ever be the first person to appear in his mind. And here I am placing him at the top of my list, making sure that nothing tops that. Perhaps I was stupid, but it's just me who always give my whole heart in. And recently, it just feels like we have nothing to talk about. Maybe we haven't been together long enough that's why. It's always a phase I go through. *Sigh* He's not perfect, I understand. But I'm starting to see compatibility differences. I'm afraid, there are some things I need that he don't give. And he's not asking, and even when I do say, I suppose he forgets it soon. I don't mean to place stress on him, cause I know he has way too many other things to take care of. But at the rate this goes on, perhaps no stress means no relationship.

End of Emo Section (Alright you may stop slitting)

Today I've gone to the Science Centre! Woohoo~ Lol. So what's interesting in there? Forces of Nature in the Omni-Theatre was interesting. But I wasn't feeling that well sitting there and having the huge gigantic spinning zooming about. I felt like puking. Lol. After which exitting it was such a relief, and I went to look around at the displays. It's surprising they had little change over the years. But oh well, people are still visiting, so I guess they are not irrelevant yet. But today didn't really get a good start. Ended off not so well either. I'm having second thoughts.

Yesterday, been to IMM to have lunch and after which I went to the arcade to play WMMT3. Following which I was sent home, being told he had personal things to settle. Past stuff. I don't know what. I wish to know what. But lets just leave it as that. If there should be secrets, then let there be.

Day before yesterday, went to school for the Industry Night thing. After that went to catch How To Train A Dragon (3D) AGAIN. Lol. I held my pee throughout the entire show. And I went to the toilet before I went in. How active is my bladder? <_< Anyways, I watched it a second time, but luckily the movie wasn't boring. So it's ok. Some other things happened, not really happy things, but lets just leave it.

Had chalet from last Fri - Sunday. It was an okok experience la. Nothing special. Sitting at the beach is nice. Every other stuff, not so much. I feel like I don't fit in. Nor do I like some people. But I shall not go into details. Perhaps it's my mistake to have gone there.

Will we last long enough? I don't know anymore.

The Play

2010-03-13T15:08:00.002+08:00

A play of fate,
A twist of destiny.
The dice rolled,
And the path seperated.

Lets take a gamble,
Lets make it big.
If it gets dangerous,
Lets fold the cards.

But this time,
Lets take it all the way.
Think naught of the bet,
And raise the stakes.

A ten of spades and
A jack of all trades,
A queen that will take
A king to dominate.

With the last play of cards,
I showed my hands.
I threw it all in,
And took a breathe.

Holding my cards,
And holding my breathe.
Feeling the shivering glances,
They held their decisions.

But followed right up,
Showing their hands.
It was the last game,
And the last play.

The curtains shall fall,
A winner decided.
Some will leave with disappointment,
Others will applaud with a standing ovation.

For a play,
Could hardly satisfy everyone.
With each their own tastes,
And their preferences.

The dealer dealt his cards,
Shadows concealing.
I rest my hands upon it,
Forcing the card to my will.

Taking it up,
I saw the darkness.
I closed my eyes,
Feelings overwhelmed.

I threw my card down,
And took my stand.
I saw their awe,
As they hid their hands.

And so tonight,
I was triumphant.
With 4 cards of fate,
And an Ace of Spades.

Tumblr Account

2010-03-09T18:25:00.006+08:00

I guess I'll be posting mini updates of my life here: http://jinstories.tumblr.com

If you have a Tumblr and wish for me to link you, do tell me. ;)

Follow me and I'll follow you yea! :D I guess I'll have this blog for more major posts, like when I want to tell a really long story, or a huge update of my life, basically if I feel like typing an essay, it goes here.

And if I feel like I just want to dump abit of how I feel out, it goes to Tumblr. Twitter would have been good, but I don't know... I'll use Tumblr for now. xD So yeap, I'll keep a link in the navigations so you guys can find it if this post disappears.

After learning about the news, the first thought that came to my mind was.. Again?

I don't mean to be mean, because some stuff goes way back. Some stuff that etched itself into my memory, scarring me permanently. You can say 10 years has passed, but that memory is still there. Like it happened only yesterday.

I've tried forgiving, yes I have. But some things just don't change in me. And now I've learnt about the news, it feels like nothing but trouble. Who's going to keep paying for all these bills, all these fees, everything? Us! Why did it come down to this? Because since that day, everything changed and we are no longer well-to-do. The image of you is broken. And everything else broke too.

Perhaps you could have remedied the situation, but you did not. Even now, you still have the addiction. And now this. My eldest brother is the only working sibling. Who's going to support everything now? Me? I still have NS. My second bro? He's still schooling! And of course I won't want my mom to be out there slogging.

Please, have some self-reflection. Think of what you've caused and done. Tell me you have some sense left in you. I may be crude, but what can I do when that's how I feel?

Fade To Black

2010-03-07T14:56:00.002+08:00

After weeks after my break up, I shall post up what I truly feel about my past relationship. With no eyes blinded about how I truly feel.

I see false accusations, but it's alright I guess. Coming from someone who had always thought he's right. From the beginning till the end, I guess he never did try to understand my heart. So how did our relationship fall apart? It was simple, I was hardly me when I'm around him. Being in a relationship was never meant to be that hard.

Compromising when I should really be fighting for what I believe in. Changing my thoughts just to suit you better. At the end of the day, I was the only one learning how to compensate to all his troubles. No one asked me to, I know. But when you love someone, you do many things for them. Who was never blinded by love before?

Do I have regret to this relationship? Yes, only one. That I didn't end it earlier and made it look like I jumped the gun so quickly, that it looked like betrayal. But it's alright for those who judge, I don't care.

"wadeva u do, jus believe in ur own decisions for happiness.
when u dun tink hes the right one, its okay to give it up
no one is gg to judge u" - Dearest Jie AKA Amber

It he didn't know, things did not happen with a snap of fingers. If we went back to, I guess it was the second time we break? I wasn't crying at all. I never did cry again for the relationship since ages ago. I said that we should try, only because I was still hoping for understanding. I was still hoping for something in you. I was still hoping each and everyday that you'd discover that I need more of your love.

But as day by day passed, what I gave was hardly returned. It was a tiring process.

I do read what he post on his blog just to see how he feels. How he was taking it so far. As a friend. But there was just this post that I guess smashed the image of him entirely and truly in my heart. That from this day on, after this post, I disown every memory we had, every feelings that once existed. I shall walk on forgetting 2 months of my life.

Did I do my calculations wrong? 2 months? Nope I didn't. We see each other once a week or twice. Sometimes less, sometimes a bit more. Give or take, it's down to 2 months. How long were we together according to date and time? I'd say 9 months.

Allow me to quote.

"Plz m I going to wait stupidly to a never existing love anymore while ur enjoy every single min of ur new found toy?"

1. No one asked you to wait. In fact, I'm pretty sure I asked you to move on.
2. Bryan is not a toy. Neither were you. But if you feel that way, I guess it's your freedom.

"At least I dare to blog bravely here n not hiding somewhere blogging n bitching lolx.. Ball-less? Shit ass Personality N Style."

Well thanks for checking back so often. But the problem is, I'm too lazy to blog. Either that or I'm too tired to blog. So take your false accusations, brainless bitching with no tact away. Who needs to bitch about you? You're not that important, don't flatter yourself. Go keep on blogging bravely. But this is where you're forgotten.

Vlog #3

2010-02-04T20:44:00.000+08:00

Vlog #2

2010-01-25T19:56:00.001+08:00

Video Blog!

2010-01-24T19:14:00.001+08:00

Just a video I took a couple of days back. First time editting, still noob at it. :p

True Love?

2010-01-13T18:35:00.004+08:00

Mini Update: I changed the blog skin. Downloaded from BlogSkins cause I have no time to make my own. ^^ Will make one if I find time. Else lets stick with this for a bit. Easier on the eyes. =)

---

Now, many people have asked what is true love. Does true love exist? Is it within our grasps or is it just a fantasy; a figment of imagination that derives from desires not to be alone? Well, I'll say things in my own point of view. There's still no right or wrong answer to this question, I don't think there ever will be. Nor will there ever be a perfect answer.

First lets define love. Love is not necessarily given to someone you are going to marry or spend the rest of your life with. Love is pretty much a sense of care if we do without the complexities that comes with it. Broken down into it's simplest form, Love means Care. You love a baby, you care for him/her. You love your newly bought shirt, you care for it. But there's more to just caring, there's giving, there's sharing, there's many things. And love could exist between many people. Like I love my friends, though that doesn't mean I will marry them or spend the rest of my life with them. In fact, I think after a certain amount of time, we'd be walking seperate ways.

And there's the deeper love, where you'd want that person you love. You'd want to give everything and share everything with this person. And when you're with this person, you feel so much at ease. With all the cares in the world gone. Like you're not alone anymore even if everyone died, cause you'd have this person. Sounds pretty much like a fantasy doesn't it? Yes it is pretty much fantasy. Because after some times, you like to pick flaws from your partner. He's too fat. She's got too small boobs. He's got too much friends. She's too into her clothes Blah blah blah. Then you'd start quarreling, "killing" each other, hurting each other, until finally one day you both couldn't take it and walked seperate ways.

Now look at both the scenarios I've given. Friends walking seperate ways after some time. A relationship, ending with seperate routes too. Does make you wonder what's love, where did it go to, why has it left you, no? But think about it. If you did something about it, it wouldn't have gone all awry would it? If you tried with every means you got to make things work, it would right the wrongs won't it?

Lets digress a little. I had this conversation with my mom. I asked, why was it that people get together, then seperate. Even marriage isn't much of a love contract anymore, since couples could divorce pretty much anytime. Then re-marry again. The answer she gave was this. In the older days, was there such thing as divorce? No, there's not much cases of divorce if not non-existent. Even if the husband ill-treats the wife. Or any other scenerios you can think of, no they don't divorce. Why? The answer is simple, you tolerate. You look pass these imperfections and see the man as a whole. Even with much love lost along the way, you'd still tolerate. Both sides tolerates each other. Cause at the end of the day, if there's no one for you, you'd at least know that there's this one person you could find in times of need. Other than toleration, there's also need for communication. To speak what's on our minds, to communicate to a point where both sides agree. Compromise. Everything would have worked out fine from that moment on, no?

I find that very true. You work things out, if your love is fading, you find some way to bring it back. Cause at the end of the day, if both parties didn't try, then the love would be lost. And from that moment on, love would be a lie.

Why do I say that? Because, think about it. If you stopped fighting for someone you once loved. Then tell me what did you gave up at that point in time? The point in time when both parties walked seperate ways? You've given up love. You've given yourself a reasoning that you could always move on and get another person, a better person. You give a reason that he/she is too lousy for you. You give many reasons, but all of which if you thought about. Are excuses. You just want someone new, everybody like new things don't they?

Because of more and more "true love stories" appearing on TV, on radio, in the movies. The rate at which humans gave excuses increased exponentially. Thinking "Oh he is not the one, my true love would come one day. On a white horse, with his white armor". Ya sure, you could go act in a movie, you'd probably get what you want. But face the reality, what were you really seeking? No it's not love. In my eyes, it will never be love.

I've fallen victim to lust before too. But now I do believe I'm slightly enlightened by my mom's speech.

So after talking for so long, do you know what's true love? I will not write it out in black and white for you to see. Because if you really couldn't see what's true love, then I believe you're another victim of lust.

But before you let go of anyone in your life. Think back to the first time, why did you even bother getting together?

Fear...?

2010-01-06T14:30:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I didn't have a good night. Sigh... While I was trying to sleep a sudden fear struck me. And no matter how I tried to gain comfort from my pillows and Junior, to no avail. I smsed my dearest, but I guess he either didn't want to reply or was fast asleep. Lost, I just held my eyes tightly shut. I didn't even know the root of this fear... I didn't know what to do. Hoping for the fear to subside, it took me long enough to drift to sleep.

Got to school, this morning, chatted with dearest. He's angry. I said sorry, but I know it wouldn't work. He'd hold a grudge with me until he's happy with it. It's my fault too anyways. Sigh... Sometimes I wonder whether he knows how much it hurts me.

2010

2010-01-01T00:08:00.002+08:00

First post of the year! Happy new year everyone. Hope it's happier for you than it is for me! Which isn't a really difficult thing to be happier than me cause, well, it's just lonely right here. In my room. 4 walls, 1 computer, lol.

Why? Don't ask. Haha. But well, it sure is disappointing, but nobody can help it. Also Sam and JC seems to be out also, no after-countdown annual meeting! It's lonely this year. As the countdown began for everyone else, elsewhere. The fireworks flew in Malaysia. Very beautiful, but I kept feeling the unresistable tears welling up in my eyes.

And I kept asking myself, what am I doing here? Perhaps I was too used to passing new year with a bang. A party, super music, uber beat, stuff like that lol. Or just a gathering among close friends would be cool too. I think I should stop thinking so much. It's new year, it's supposed to be happy! Forgive and forget whatever happened in the past year, everything is new now!

And for this year's resolution... Well. Haha, I guess it's quite simple. I want to celebrate a good new year this year. Not a sad one, not a lonely one like the one I just had.

Those Stuff

2009-12-23T02:06:00.001+08:00

Do not upon others what you do not want others to do upon you. I don't need those stuff anyways, so I'll abstain from it. I can do it, I've already done it before. It's really just nothing.

X'Mas Present!

2009-12-20T01:07:00.002+08:00

My mommy bought me a headphone as X'Mas present! Wee! And this entire holidays is filled with project after project. Game after game. Maple after maple. Ya I'm playing Maple. If you wanna play with me, get on Izar now. ;D If not, then well...

Anyways, there's nothing much to update on my life anyways, cause life is not very busy. Even if it is, I bet there's still nothing much to update anyways. LOL! I'm not making much sense.

Ok I updated di. ;D Have fun. Hahas, bye everyone. ^_^

Uso

2009-11-19T21:39:00.002+08:00

All good thing comes to an end. Some people cry, some people laugh, some people move on. But I guess what's important is that we don't stay unmoving on one spot, unable to see a future.

What I can't let go in this relationship, is you. Would you be fine without someone to be there when you need someone? Would you be able to move on to find another person? Would you find a job? Would you get good grades in school? Would you achieve your dreams? But I guess you don't necessarily need a boyfriend to do all that, you just need someone who supports you. And I guess there's no lack of friends or family members willing to do just that.

I don't want to say who's right or wrong anymore, what's the point when everything has already ended? Even when it haven't end, I don't think about who's right or wrong anyways. If there's love, you can do anything, you can forgive anything. That's what I believe in, fiercely.

Conflicting interests, conflicting beliefs, conflicting personality, it was eventual we both see a different sky one day, a different dream and path. Perhaps it came too early, perhaps it came too late, or it might even have came at the right time. This is life, we gotta keep walking. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

We both fell today, but I know we would pick ourselves up. Maybe we'll see each other some day. Or perhaps we'll walk pass each other, not knowing we did. That's how fate plays itself most of the time anyways. Last but not least, a song.

SID - Uso(Lies)

The sky we saw that day
That dark crimson sky
Hey,　do you still remember it?
A forged　promise
Wrapped in the early summer wind
The two of us　drew close

Behind a forced smile
Lengthened shadows hide
That's why　I pretend not to notice
And choose rebirth

I keep waiting for
A notice that won't quake
On the table top
Be it the blank nights or
The mornings that can't possibly come
I knew of them all

The sky we saw that day
That dark crimson sky
Hey, you've forgotten it, haven't you
A shredded　promise
Disappeared into the early summer wind
The two of us　can't turn back

This room where
Sound, colour　and warmth
Have all been halved
To clutter it up again today,
We　sway　tire out and sleep

"Deceive me skillfully　　I hate and love lies"
These words of yours
By this point　I've come to know that sentiment painfully well
That's why we'll　say goodbye

See you again someday
Saying that, we waved at each other,
But we won't meet again, will we
The last lie was　a gentle lie I won't forget

The sky we saw that day
That dark crimson sky
Hey, you'll recall it someday, won't you
Embracing the promise
We couldn't fulfill
The two of us
Start walking

A Thousand Words

2009-11-12T23:30:00.001+08:00

And a thousand emotions...

Sometimes

2009-10-09T00:49:00.001+08:00

Just sometimes, I feel like cutting myself just to see how much it bleeds. Just to see if I would die. Just sometimes...

Just A Post Dedicated To You

2009-10-02T13:14:00.002+08:00

It was one of those days where I wished I had not done or said anything. But now that it has all happened, one could only suffer the silence. Anything could happen should the silence be broken, hearts may shatter, tears may fall. But the opposite could happen too. Perhaps through all these melodramatic moments of our lives, we grew up a little. We learnt a little more.

So I laid on my bed just staring. It was not my call this time. He have to break the silence, because everything was my fault to begin with. My rights has long been taken away. I stared at the sky, and recalled how you once told me, "Should you feel alone at any time, look up in the sky. I'm on of those stars winking at you." But it is morning now, I could see no stars. I could not help it as tears blurred my vision. But I held them back.

I turned to look away from the sky, towards a toy that laid on my bed. It was another present from him to me, for keeping me company when he was not there. I hug it to sleep every night. Every day, he is the first and last person on my mind. It never changed. I pulled the toy towards me, it is a doggy soft toy which he named Junior. He knew I love dogs. And tears once again formed in my eyes.

I closed my eyes, I tried not to think. But in the darkness, I was taken back to the beginning. It got me wondering, was there any part in this story that I truly got him happy or touched. Was there, at any point in time, where he wished only to be with me forever. Because I do, at every point in time. I never stopped wishing, and perhaps he never did.

Forever is a huge word, and people always say nothing lats forever. So why do I stupidly wish for it? Well, for one I do not like heartbreak. And also I am a sucker for happy endings. Then again, life is not a fairytale, it perhaps never will be.

My mom told me from young that I always did things rashly. I guess that never changed. That one day, I would ruin everything in my own hands because I did not change. Reminiscing and pondering, it all felt so lonely and cold. With no one else to blame but me. There was not anything I could do, or perhaps there was but I am too blind to see it.

And all of a sudden, it dawned on my that my life is rather useless. Being a burden to everyone, being me, being that someone. Perhaps I was truly worthless. Undeserving of any attention or sympathy. Though I should not think this waym I guess it was unevitable. I felt I really am nothing when I cannot make you laugh or smile.

Argh

2009-09-29T01:27:00.002+08:00

Ya know, I don't know if it's just me, but does anyone feel that his is rude? (This happens on MSN) Me & Whoever had a conversation and now it's getting late. And so it goes like this:

Whoever: Hey, I'm gonna go sleep
Me ---- Attempts to type something and before I can complete
Whoever is offline.

If you think that's normal well.. I don't know, I feel that's really fucked up. It's like, ok I'm gonna end this conversation like it or not and I don't wanna listen to what you wanna say. It's THAT rude to me. Cutting me off like this. *sighs*

Off to another small rant, complaint or whatever you might call it. Often times we get frustrated about something. Say we play game and get real frustrated, or we do something and gets really fucked up about it? You can rant and stuff to someone else, it's ok to just talk about how frustrating something is, that's fine. But when it comes to ignoring people or blaming it on people, or just getting plain angry at people just cause you're frustrated.. Actually, I really don't know how to place it. I'm beating round the bush..

I can be more direct. I can make my words cut like whatever. Sigh.. Yea.. Whatever.. Guess I can't really type this post properly. Might as well end it here. Lol @ Stupid post.

See ya.

Sentosa!

2009-08-25T16:16:00.002+08:00

So I went out on Saturday to Sentosa! Yay! Had a small "picnic" there, made up of all heaty food. Twisties BBQ Curry, Calbee Hot n Spicy and Chips More Double Choc. Total murder haha, and of course I got sore throat the next day. But it's alright now already. Anyways, we watched the sun set, but it's covered by the clouds, oh well.. And played UNO and stuff. Chillax there doing lotsa dumb stuff and all the photos are with my Jie so I don't got none. XD

Poor Chen got buried in sand. :p But oh well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Haha, got a cakie at the end so he don't have to feel so bad getting buried and all. Looking forward to the next time we'll meet. Jie's gone overseas to Japan.

So these few days I've spent the most part of it just playing games. I know, lifeless. But I ought to have a break after so long right? Haha. So game I did, and Heroes of Newerth sure is fun! :D And today I just got a beta key to League of Legends too. Oh well, good things grow. HAHA.

Well, that's it for the update I guess.

Sometimes I just don't know what's happening. Something is different, if you didn't feel that way, then perhaps I'm just thinking too much. Your messages, your affection, everything. I thought things are fine that day. When I heard you on the phone not so long ago it still seems so. Until today and yesterday. You tell me nothing, but why do I feel there's really more to it than meets the eye? Am I kept in the darkness about something? *Sigh* Lets just hope it's nothing. That my feelings are wrong. As they always say, the 6th sense of a guy isn't accurate most of the time. Maybe I just need to sleep and forget everything for a bit. Maybe...

One Big Month

2009-08-21T01:47:00.003+08:00

Wow it's been almost 1 huge month since I've last posted! But no worries, anyone who wishes to catch up to what I've been up to, here's an update! =D Lets start from today(or rather yesterday - thursday) shall we, well, today is finally the last day of my internship. And YES! I have finally regained my freedom! God, working can be really a pain in the ass sometimes... Anyways, After work I went with my colleague(Ernie) to walk about Jurong Point.

Then we were chatting about so many things under the sun (But mainly something...LOL) and also checking out what food we should eat. Ended up she treat me to Fish and Co. cause I really was bankrupt and I had to go to Sentosa on saturday(yay!). And well, before the last day of work, which is wednesday, they were selling alot of those mini games like Monopoly, or Uno and such in NTU. And it goes for really cheap.

So I was so tempted to own a monopoly set I bought one for $10. Star Wars Saga Edition. Opening up the box revealed a set of stuff. At first I thought I bought a ripoff with mispellings and ugly stuff. But ends up everything looks fine! Other than the fact that the board is softer than those sold outside, but the main point should be, the game is fully functional and 100% playable!

Now I own Monopoly and UNO. It's so fun! But who's gonna play with me. Haha. Ernie said she could anytime if I asked her to. :D That's so fun of her. XD And well, I hope I can put the board game to some good use. I really do love board games and card games. But I guess everyone is so hooked on the computer so much nowadays, they forget the simpler games people used to play.

Alot of things happened within this months and it's really hard to pinpoint every event that went through my life. Well I could if I blogged frequently, but due to work and my gaming schedules, I really neglected posting as frequently as I used to. Yes I'm lazy and I procrastinate too. I keep telling myself I should update the world about me tomorrow. Ends up I say the same thing the next day. And also to add on to that, sometimes I did start on an entry, only to find I'm so tired I don't know what to type.

Anyways, what happened to the MP3 player that I bought on eBay? Well many stuff happened to it. It was happily travelling between SG and HK. And now it's travelling back to SG again after receiving the good news on wednesday. :D Now I got something to look forward to again, and I hope my mom don't crazily reject the goods again.

Oh I've also bought a tamagotchi. And it's quite an interesting gadget. XD It's quite fun as a casual game so far. Like when I have nothing better to do I can just pull it out and do a few junk stuff on it. Haha. The pets sometimes can look very cute too. Other times they look seriously ugly. Ew.

So what's my plans for my long holidays? I'm really not sure. I feel I really should find a job so I could buy some stuff that I want, but I also feel I want to waste my holidays away grinding on games and stupid things. Oh well.. If only I could have it both ways. Haha! Well, I guess I could work for 1 month and then rest on the last few days on october. Hmm.. Does sound like a plan.

So yea, that's all there is to this post. There's alot of photos on my phone waiting to be uploaded. But seriously? I'm really just so bloody lazy. =) Haha, goodnight world. I think I'm heading to sleep right about now. I hate it when I have to attend stupid things like briefing, debriefing, and talks. Especially when it's compulsory. God, can't you just send me an email with all the details I need to know and be done? Haha.

Alright, see you.

3rd Month Anniversary

2009-07-26T01:42:00.003+08:00

^_^ Yep, time do pass rather fast. Filled with lots of ups and downs, it sure was a roller coaster ride. =) But first of all, I'm really glad my deary felt the cheesecake I baked tested good. Haha, I wasn't so confident of it actually, I tasted it and it's well.. Alright. But it seems like my deary really enjoyed it.

It just sorta brought a warm feeling into my chest, that I can't exactly explain. Then he made campbell soup for me too. ^_^ And he bought me Renoma ankle socks x 3 pairs!! Oh my, that's another stuff off my wish list. Really love those socks! I could cuddle it all night. Really. LOL.

Today was a really great day that I wish could end off every sadness, pain and anger that we had. Sometimes I find that perhaps I do pick pointless fights. But oh well, lets hope I'd grow out of it. This love is great, it's not like any other. So lets get through it, and show ourselves what we are made of.

Empty Words

2009-07-18T00:17:00.002+08:00

Stepping out into the AJ world, and utilizing many tools for knowing other people. It's been some time when I have been doing that. There are a few things I notice about the people I talk to. And sometimes, I get the feeling people treat words lightly, or maybe it's just me treating things too seriously.

What would your response be if someone asks to be your friend? What should you expect out of it? For me, I wouldn't treat someone as a friend unless there is a bond formed, and this bond does not form on the first day of talking to someone. And it will also be very unlikely for any bond to form chatting online. I mean, people have facades. And also, being friends means you have to be there when he needs you. Vice versa of course. Do you know what it takes to be a friend?

Therefore, it's just funny how people use the word "friend" so lightly. I would not call them friends at all, rather, I would merely refer to them as acquaintances. People I talk to once in a while, about nothing or something. No strings attached, nothing behind. I guess perhaps it's sort of a defense mechanism for me too. But I'm not saying none of them got close to me, there a few who at least know the meaning of friendship, and actually acts on it too.

It really disgust me when some people who only JUST chatted me up, asked to be my kor(brother). It's like, hey, I hardly know you. I can't even claim you're a friend. Nor can I say I know you very well and vice versa. So, what's this "brotherhood" that you refer to. A pack of empty words I'd say.

So please, think before you speak. I'm not an easy person, you can't gain my trust overnight either. So earn it before you claim you are friend of mine, or even ask to be a god-brother and the likes. Don't treat your words lightly, it makes you as empty as your words. The way you talk, the way of speech, I can tell by just reading, just what kind of pathetic person you are.

Oh, don't get offended, I'm only stating the truth. The fact is, you ARE pathetic. Some basic manners could even be forgotten. But I guess that's just the way things go maybe. Thinking they are a superior being or something. But seriously, I see nothing in them. Nothing even worth mentioning. They would have been much better off disappearing off the surface of earth. It's better for this world really.

Godawful Day

2009-07-08T11:47:00.002+08:00

No dear(He's busy with so many things...).
No food (Which makes me feel faint).
No MP3(It's still getting shipped in).
No laptop(It's sent for repair and I have no idea when will I get it back, though my dad said it's about today or so).
Slow internet(At work, don't know what's wrong, but the internet seemed to slow down today).
Yesterday went to Stereo at Causeway Point but they don't have Black Fur, only some ugly looking Ti editions...
Feels like I wanna do so many things, but I'm really just confined in the office till I'm too tired to do anything but head home and crawl into my bed.

It's a godawful day, don't tell me otherwise.

Move

2009-07-06T17:24:00.003+08:00

So I shall stride onwards, not caring what may cut me, not afraid of falling. I decided to give it all when I can, and see how far my all could actually travel. Even if it eventually disappeared and faded away, at least I can safely say I've done everything within my power. My conscience is clear.

Though whether I'm hurt then, would have been entirely another matter. And yes, forward I go. For each pain I shall gain new experience. Striving for a goal even I can't really see properly. Why have I decided this? Because I remember the promise I made. I'm not sure whether you remembered your's.

Smile and laugh. What truly makes me feel better. Lets just forget all the sad things, even as they come, push them aside. It may hurt, but feeling pain lets me know I am alive. Keep moving, don't stop. Run if I'm afraid. Walk if I'm unsure. Crawl if I fall. It doesn't take a man to understand how to withstand pain. And it sure doesn't take a man to learn how to pick up his own feet.

Because where there's no one else to rely one, there's really only just yourself.

Random Blabber

2009-07-05T20:01:00.001+08:00

"Love consists of two person." - Junko to Nana

eBay Fun

2009-07-03T17:38:00.003+08:00

And so I decided to take a look on eBay to try out online shopping and also to check the cheapness of the items. And was I surprised! I bidded successfully for one item today. It's a china MP5 I think. Touch screen, 2.8" with 16GB internal. Can extend memory with miniSD up to 2GB but what's the point, I only need the 16GB. XD

Yup, once I received that MP5 it's another item striked off my list, and next up would be Skullcandy Black Fur. But I'm thinking whether to buy it with last month's pay, or should I wait for this month's one? :S I shouldn't be such a shopaholic right. Haha, besides, the earphone actually costs more than the MP5, with starting bids at SGD80+.

I wish I was working part time outside instead, so I could earn like, double the amount I'm getting now? Haha. Anyways, today has been a slow day, perhaps because of my anticipation of what's happening after work, or perhaps I'm just so sleepy, or could be many other reasons. Oh well.

I think I really should save some money instead of splurging everything every month. I need some control. Oh yea, my laptop busted like yesterday. No idea why, it just beeps whenever I switch it on, so today I'm gonna pack it up nicely and let my dad take it for repair on saturday. ^-^ Maybe when my laptop comes back I would have received my MP3 too and wootz! Imagine the amount of songs I can listen on the go!

If I had the Skullcandy Black Fur, it would be even way more cooler! ;S

Ok, I should stop talking like a shopaholic. It's bad influence. It's bad habit too. Jin should start saving. LOL.

Wishlist Stuff

2009-07-01T10:16:00.003+08:00

Been browsing online for some stuff on my wishlist and saw a few things that's tempting me to splurge on. That would be Skullcandy - Ti (Black Fur/White Fur) headphone and some other MP3 players. I browsed for iTouch and it costs around $388 for a 8gb version. It costs alot cheaper if I bough a MP3 player at Creative. Their ZEN V Plus, Zen X-Fi, Zen Mozaic looks fine and seem to work fine too. Hmm..

Here are some images of the stuff :

Skullcandy Ti Black Fur (Probably $80)

Skullcandy Ti White Fur (Probably $80)

ZEN Mozaic EZ300 (8gb - $139)

ZEN V Plus (??)

ZEN MX (8gb - $189)

ZEN X-Fi (8gb - $229)

Yup, looks nice no? ;P

Fear

2009-06-28T20:27:00.002+08:00

Whisked away in the night,
Your Prince Charming came.
Sitting on a white horse,
Wearing his oh so shiny armour.

With a hand he pulled you up,
With a kick he rode you off.
Down the distant road,
Disappearing towards the horizon.

If that day comes,
Was I to be happy for you,
Or do I cry in self pity,
That I'm living without you.

If that day arrives,
Will I become irrelevant,
Erased from your memory,
Evaporating into nothingness.

If that day is real,
What will I make of this,
The love that we once had,
Was it real or just a façade.

And as the curtain falls,
What true happy ending was there.
For whom will the audience cheer for,
Or will they cry.

In this road filled with choices,
There are more roads to walk without me,
And some are easier and better roads.
What could make you stay?

In this road full of choices,
Will you steal you away from me,
And let me burn in the pits of hell,
While you shone in the grace of heaven.

If that day should ever come,
And if I ever let you go.
Remember it's because I want you to be more happy,
And if you can...

Please remember me.

Deary

2009-06-21T18:24:00.002+08:00

Sorry deary, I didn't mean to do what I did. I hope deary can forgive me. I love you more than I can express it. I'm really very sorry. ): *Hugs deary tight* I dreamed a dream, a dream so grand, a dream full of hope, a dream full of love. I dreamt of you. Don't leave me.

Music of My Heart

You'll never know
What you've done for me
What your faith in me
Has done for my soul
And you'll never know
the gift you've given me
I'll carry it with me, yeah

Through all the days ahead
I think of days before
You made me hope for something better
and made me reach for something more

CHORUS
You taught me to run
You taught me to fly
Help me to free the me inside
Help me hear the music of my heart
Help me hear the music of my heart
You opened my eyes
You opened the door
To something I've never known before
And your love
Is the music of my heart

Gloria:
You were the one
Always on my side
Always standing by
Seeing me through

You were the song that always made me sing
I'm singing this for you
Everywhere I go
I think of where I've been
And of the one who knew me better
Than anyone ever will again

CHORUS

What you taught me
Only your love could ever teach me
You got through when no one could reach me before
'Cus you always saw in me
All the best that I could be
It was you who set me free

CHORUS

Is the music of my heart

When I Fall

2009-06-18T19:56:00.002+08:00

Just a passing thought, just a random woe. I just thought to myself, I miss a hand to hold. Holding a warm hand, walking down the street, caring about nothing. Perhaps it was silence that embraced us, or laughter that sang, or just cheery chattering. I miss holding someone close and watch as the sun goes down, or sit by the sidewalk and watch people pass us by. I miss kissing someone, just because I wanted to, anywhere in the world. I miss having someone holding me tight as I sleep.

I've put down what I miss the most, and I hope it will fade away so I don't have to miss them anymore. Happiness is a difficult dream to chase. I hope I could drop all burdens, and just fall.

Will you catch me?

=D

2009-06-16T17:28:00.001+08:00

Who knows?
Who cares?
Who understands?
Who can smile like I do?

=)

Me, I can smile like I do. =D

Killed The Moodiness

2009-06-14T11:55:00.002+08:00

Individuality.
Differences.
Distances.
Visions.
Future.
Present.
Past.

What. What is real. What is divided by a lie.

Cross the bridge to uncertainty.

Forget where you once were.

Disappear.

Too ordinary.

Too much, too little.

Drift.

No rememberance.

A chain of thoughts.

A chain of memories.

With an unchained melody.

Run.

Keep running.

Perhaps you just might make it.

Perhaps.

Escapism.

Vlog 002

2009-06-09T23:38:00.001+08:00

Cherish

2009-06-08T16:05:00.003+08:00

He sings the song with all his heart, hoping you'd be touched.
But you just think he's not original.
He folds you a million hearts as a surprise present for you.
But you just felt that it's a waste of time.
He hugs you and kiss you many times when he's with you.
But you felt that he's just being touchy feely.
He tells you he love you everyday.
But you felt that it's just something meant to be said everyday.

He just suddenly disappears one day,
And you realize,
You miss his voice when he sings,
You miss the little pointless surprises he has for you,
You miss his kiss and his touch that provides the security that you now lack,
You miss having someone to love.

What if his disappearance was because something happened to him,
What if it was too late to cherish what you have?

People always don't know what they've got, until they lose it.

You may feel it's never too late to cherish,
But what if it was.

Start cherishing,
Don't be left crying over spilt milk.

Smiles, Simplicty

2009-05-29T09:52:00.002+08:00

So what should two person in love feel?

Why didn't I ask myself that. Why didn't I understand it myself. Why did I forget the most basics of all. That two person in love, is to feel happy. That we can see pass everything and smile cause we have each other.

Maybe I took it one step ahead, I ran right on, right smack into a wall. I broke down, and forgot what everything was meant to be. Too fast. Too dumb. Too blind to see. Not like it didn't happen before, but it seems like I never learn. People don't run as fast as you, and everything is eventual, so why hurry?

I should learn to slow down. Admire the simple things in life, there's no need to complicate things.

=)

Imagination

2009-05-27T11:07:00.005+08:00

I wanna lie down, stare at the ever blue sky, the white clouds drift by. Thinking about nothing, feel the gentle breeze passing and listening to soothing music playing through an MP3. Fall asleep for a couple of hour and wake up to see the beautiful sunset. Then see the moon and the stars in the sky, how they twinkle and shine in the sky. When it gets late I just stand up and leave, not leaving a trace.

Just another day, just another passing thought.

A video log I did later on tonight...

12 Days

2009-05-26T14:33:00.005+08:00

Here I am, helplessly missing you... Thinking of you. But no I can't see you. So close, yet so far. And I just keep waiting. When I call you, you sound so close to me. I close my eyes, and picture you right beside me. But as I reached towards you, I couldn't feel you. The illusion that you are there shattered mercilessly.

你听得见我的心在喊着你名字吗？
是否感觉到一个人不停地想你吗？
思恋和想念是否有个解药。
应该是开心有个人可想，
还是悲哀着因为你不在。
知道我在等你吗？

你也在想我吗？

Trudging on as time slowly passes by. Days stretched on forever.

12 days...

New Website Skin

2009-05-25T18:19:00.002+08:00

Revamped and updated!

So how long have you not read that phrase? Haha. Yes, I spent quite alot of time on this new blog skin, and I tried to make it as satisfactory as possible. I hope it looks fine to all of you.

So anyways, that's the only stuff I have to say for this post. I'm about to head home soon from work. ^_^ See y'all again.

I Understand

2009-05-24T20:18:00.002+08:00

What's the reason I had erected the wall for, they all asked me. But I'd ask them back what wall? No one will know, though if they know they'd understand. Sometimes some things are not meant about yourself, sometimes you just give it up so perhaps someone else could smile and laugh.

Jin shall learn this today, that from today on, no matter the hardship he face, no matter how heavy his emotional baggage gets. He'd show a smile on his face, and give a reassuring laugh to everyone. The Jin today shall shoulder everything, even if it gets too heavy, he'd survive.

I understand, perhaps it was me who demanded too much. And perhaps, I should take a step back. Stop asking so much, stop saying too much. I shouldn't wear my emotions on my sleeves. I'm going to push them into retreat, into the cold stone walls I've always had. And there they shall rot and decay, until I forget about it.

The Jin today, has learnt, that sometimes love really isn't all that powerful. Was I prepared to give my entire heart away?

How do I answer this. I've already given it away. Prepared or not, I've dived in without caring for the consequences. I wanted to love you so much. Maybe you can't see it, maybe you can't feel it. But I can only say, yes I really do.

How is Jin today?

He's fine. Really fine.

Bleed No More

2009-05-20T20:30:00.003+08:00

So I told myself I won't bleed again. But each time I just kept feeling I'm on the brink. Bleed what? Well, obviously not blood. I can't stop that if I got cut or anything. It's bleeding something else from the heart.

Sometimes all I need is a little hug, or a few words. Sometimes all I need to hear is a few simple words placed together. Sometimes all I want to talk about is whatever is on our minds.

I don't want to lay it out all before me, I need you to understand me with your own will, with your power, with yourself.

If you held my hand what do you feel? When I hold you close, how do you feel? When I kiss you, where do I take you?

If you ask me these...

If you held my hand, I'd feel that I have nothing to worry about.
If you held me close, I'd feel that we are one.
When we kiss, you take me into a world, exclusive to you and I, somewhere far beyond the highest heavens.

Please, I don't want to bleed anymore.

Me Small Birthday Party

2009-05-10T16:56:00.004+08:00

Hi everyone! I'm back to blog! What's been up? Plenty. On friday Daddy Wilson threw a party for me at East Coast Park, it's just BBQ-ing and stuff. Though I thought it was quite disappointing but I thank everyone for coming and Daddy for planning this for me. =) And thank you dear for accompanying me from Friday till Sunday morning.

Below are some presents dear gave me ;D The doggy is called Junior. XD And dear gave me a bottle cause I told him I'm lazy to walk out to drink water hehe. So thoughtful right? ;D

This is what Levis gave to me, a cologne! And from what I heard from Esther, it's a new fragrance and costs 100+. And Levis still said it's not something expensive. >_< Thank you Levis. =)

And this is a lighter Ken gave to me. ^_^ Though I don't smoke anymore I still love playing with the lighter. ;D I always wanted to buy one just to play with it hehe.

Once again thank you everyone. Oh there's the birthday cake from Hannie and Samps. But I didn't take a picture of it ): But it's very tasty. ^_^ And it's strawberry too! Loves. <3 Haha. And then everyone went to club after that haha. That's fine too.

=) Tomorrow gonna exchange for new ez-link and also go to work. Argh, another week to tahan before I can see my dear once again. Sometimes it's so torturous. >_< Till next time, see you everytime. XD

Work And Recent Stuff

2009-04-30T15:37:00.005+08:00

Apologies for this late update. Haha, I didn't post after the first day of work. But here I am now, posting on the last working day of this week. Tomorrow's a holiday(Yay!). Later I'm heading to eat dinner with my dear and his BFF. First time meeting his BFF so... Hope I don't get eaten up. =X LOL!

Ok, don't be so bad, she will be a princess. *Tries to convince myself*

So yup, after the dinner I'll be staying over at dear's house for erm, a night. Yay! And whatever I'm going to go there and do, I'll leave it up to your imagination yar =P And on Saturday we're going to watch X-Men: Origins! I hope that's a good movie. Else.. Else... Hmm.. Nevermind, if the movie is boring I can always watch my dear instead. LOL.

Well, look at me acting like a high school girl, I'm supposed to be posting "HOW IS WORK?!". Well, work is cool, fine, whatever. I can't complain, cause I'm pretty relaxed. I won't reveal information about what company I'm working in, just in case they decided to fail me because I did, or that I get sued. Which a lecturer said so, so better be safe than sorry. Then again, since when did I care about rules... My company's in NTU and it's called... Nevermind, I'll abide by the rule this time.

Wahah! Tricked ya didn't I. My company is Visual Factory™.

Ok I'm making merry on my own blog and that's definitely a sign that shows I'm going insane. So I better stop now just in case I really do turn insane. =)

See ya next time. Oh, and thanks to everyone who wished me good luck for my attachment. XD

Mini Post

2009-04-26T22:34:00.002+08:00

So! The holidays has ended, work has begun! What are my feelings? Slightly excited, slightly bored, but still, happy that I can earn money. Haha! Of course I hope my job won't be too tedious, cause you know, later over work and stuff. But good news is I can be quite a workaholic, so it should be fine.

It's been a while since I last blogged. Many things happened, everyday was like some kinda drama unfolding itself. Very exciting, never know what's gonna happen in the blink of an eye. Really fun, this holiday, should be the best holiday I ever had. I felt so comfortable with it.

I'll keep things this way for now, will update on my first day of job tomorrow. Hehe...

If I Could Melt Your Heart

2009-04-06T17:23:00.003+08:00

There's many things I wish I was doing right now. But there's a fear in my heart I can not conquer alone. I wish to hold your hand, but I'm afraid that the next day another person would be holding it. I wish to hold you close, but I'm afraid your warmth is not meant for me. I wish to kiss you, but I'm afraid that my heart will break.

So I built a wall, a wall that occasionally closes in bit by bit. And I can only say I'm lucky because I'm not claustrophobic. But this wall will eventually close in on me, and suffocate me. What should I do, what can I do. I'm asking these questions once again. I fought not to think of things, I fought to stop my mind from telling me many things.

What battles are you fighting today, are you doing fine, do you feel alright, do you need comfort, can I comfort you, can I be there for you. Somehow I know the answers, or maybe I really don't.

If he wasn't so blind, perhaps he could see how you suffered.
If he wasn't so deaf, perhaps he could hear you calling.
If he wasn't so daft, perhaps he would love you.

I'm not blind, nor deaf, nor daft, but I can't replace the him in your heart. And I understand very well.

Madonna - Frozen
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen when your heart's not open
You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're frozen when your heart's not open

Mmm-mm-mm... If I could melt your heart
Mmm-mm-mm... We'd never be apart
Mmm-mm-mm... Give yourself to me
Mmm-mm-mm... You are the key

Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I'd suffer the same
If I lose you, my heart would be broken
Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside you die
You're frozen when your heart's not open

Mmm-mm-mm... If I could melt your heart
Mmm-mm-mm... We'd never be apart
Mmm-mm-mm... Give yourself to me
Mmm-mm-mm... You are the key

You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen when your heart's not open

Mmm-mm-mm... If I could melt your heart
Mmm-mm-mm... We'd never be apart
Mmm-mm-mm... Give yourself to me
Mmm-mm-mm... You are the key
Mmm-mm-mm... If I could melt your heart
Mmm-mm-mm... We'd never be apart
Mmm-mm-mm... Give yourself to me
Mmm-mm-mm... You are the key

If I could melt your heart

Je T'aime

2009-04-01T02:21:00.008+08:00

You have the eyes that melts my soul.
The voice that can speak to my heart.
A hand that reaches my inner mind.

I wish to grasp all of this,
And take you on a flight.
Fly you to where you wish to go.

I want to embrace you,
To protect you from all danger,
And stop your tears from falling.

Let us caress this mmemory,
A beautiful kiss,
A tender moment.

-
I'm suddenly afraid, but I just wanted to give it a shot. I know not how right I am for you.

I hope it won't be a sin, to say I love you, alot, truly, deeply. In just a moment.
-

Unspeakable

2009-03-31T01:17:00.002+08:00

And suddenly the truth didn't seemed too real to me. The good just don't feel all that good either. Should I feel hurt, or should I feel relief. Or should I just say, I'm kinda like that too.

"Just wanna ask you baby, what you feel, what you say, what you do. Were you being true to yourself. If I asked you again, to look me in my eyes, and don't blink when telling me this, did you betray me? What would you say. If you said it's all in the past, let me ask, did you really put it all behind and have decided to change. But most importantly of all, am I THAT important to you after all?"

Then again... It doesn't really matter now does it, look at the state everything is in now. I took another step forth, and rained chaos upon all that I see. I'm following my heart. What my heart says, I do. But I do process things with my brain beforehand though.

What I went through these few days, it's alot of new experiences, new thoughts, new notions, new everything. It made me open my eyes, to see new possibilities. To see life not restricted to the few that I know. I understand more, what's the situation like out there, what it's like to not trust somebody, and what it's like to trust somebody.

Many carry knives, ready to backstab, ready to kill. Some carry no protection, vulnerable like a naked child... That's all there is to this post. Feeling kinda tired, don't know what I should be typing.

" What goes around, comes around. But if I have done you no wrong, do I deserve this. Whisper sweet nothings, speak of deceits. Who was the one who's truly acting in this story. Who has truly taken the chapter to a whole new level. We know for ourselves. In your heart, should your conscience be clear, you shall be blessed. Else, I curse you with all my heart. "

I'm not asking for too much. Just love and honesty. Is devotion and commitment foreign to the hearts of many?

Pissed In The Morning

2009-03-25T13:20:00.002+08:00

Fucking asshole neighbor below my level, drill drill drill, hammer hammer hammer early in the fucking morning. Seriously? FUCK YOU. Would you like to learn some manners and only start doing such stuff when people are awake? Like perhaps, 12 NOON at least? Bitch, who drills and hammers so fucking early in the morning like 10am. Fucking bitch.

Don't know what's wrong with me today, everything just doesn't feel right. It feels empty. Like, all of a sudden I just didn't want to commit. Commit as in love. I felt stressful. I think everyone is giving me stress. You know it sucks to wake up, and then see people going "What you doing now?". Heck, why do you even care what I'm doing right now, it's probably some business of mine that's got nothing to do with you. Then again, perhaps I do ask that question too to others. So maybe they'd feel pissed just the same like me.

Another thing, I hate listening to past stories sometimes, especially about THOSE kind of stuff. No, don't tell me, I'm not in the least bit interested. Don't talk about it like it's glorifying, or like you're proud of it. Cause I wouldn't be proud of such stuff, neither would I wish to glorify it. No, I'm conservative. I can be patient, I can listen, but sometimes I can't stop myself from getting pissed. And when I'm pissed, please stop bothering me.

Hm, I'm starting to feel slightly better after posting all of these out. Heading out later, hope it's fun. Till next time. See you.

Just A Song 2

2009-03-19T13:13:00.001+08:00

Just A Song

2009-03-17T21:42:00.000+08:00

Minor Update On My Life

2009-03-15T18:28:00.003+08:00

Funny you know. People always say to believe in yourself. But some things are just really not about believing. Because even if you believed, you are deceiving yourself. Because at the end of it all, nothing is going to happen. You can remember all the good times, but it'd one day turn into a wound and scar.

Some times some things can't be forced. And it happens more than alot of times in relationship situations. I don't really know what to type right now, I do not know what I can really say right now.

Everything is in a mess, I don't really wish to do anything, nor do I really wish to think or dwell on it. Even if I'm sad, I'm down, I'm broken, perhaps one day the sun will shine just as bright once again. Now more importantly, I need stuff to occupy this busy mind of mine.

I would like to just keep working and working till I'm too tired to think, too tired to feel, too tired for everything. Perhaps even land myself in hospital for over-exertion. LOL. Just kidding. Touch more wood please.

So yea.. I guess that's it to this update. See you all

Possibilities of Life

2009-03-05T11:47:00.004+08:00

I just figured that the previous story I've wrote was pretty corny so I removed it entirely. Too lazy to re-draft anyways. XD So yeap, here's an update of my life. By the way, I'm down to $68 for the rest of my holidays! Hope I make it through. Hoping to work on the 10th - 13th next week over at RP as Roadshow Helper. x) $50 a day, 9am - 6pm (9 hours). Wonder if there's comission. Hm.

Here's a video I took seperated into 3 parts:
Part 1 of 3
Part 2 of 3
Part 3 of 3

So anyways, life is alright so far. Need to find a work, settle down for a bit and just chill my life away. Maybe get laid. LMAO. I'm just kidding, so yeah, there you go, update of my life.

On a serious note, here's something I have for everyone who bothers reading this old blog of mine.

Life gives to you infinite possibilities. Is this a blessing, is this a curse, it's really up to you to decide. What can you do with so many possibilities, it's also up to you. Just know that in this world, there is no absolute. There's no 100% in life. There's always a chance in everything. With an abundance of choice, right and wrongs, or even neutral, it's up to you to take them.

Take the leap if you feel that's what you want to do. Take a step out of your comfort zone, rush into the world of possibilities. See for yourself just what you can do and what you can create with your very own hands. You have only one life, make the best out of it. Life may get you down on your kness, but you can still use your hands to push yourself right back up.

Give a middle finger to the world if they are against you. Embrace the world if they are with you. There's no end of the road in anything, even living each day as it comes, is also a plan. Even doing nothing, is a plan. What's your next step? What chance would you take this time? Are you prepared to leap? Or would you confine yourself to where you are now, afraid of what you have to face?

It's your choice.

Random Ramblings

2009-02-23T15:12:00.004+08:00

Perhaps all along, my personality wasn't that great.
People just went along with me, saying it's fine.
But maybe, what they really felt told another story.

Maybe I'm the one who needed to change,
Who perhaps, needs to step back and take a look at the big picture,
Of what has been done by me.

Was it a master piece that I see,
Or was it one of those failed drafts,
That should be scrapped and thrown aside.

Am I too afraid to change, or am I too headstrong to change.
But for who's good is it in the end?

I know friends are there to shoulder your burdens,
But me being me, I don't wish to let anyone shoulder it right now.
Or perhaps not ever.

Maybe I'm the one who truly deserved to be alone.

Taking a look at what's happening to my life,
Who are my friends?

You know eventually, everyone will find someone,
And when that day comes, you'd find just how lonely life was.

Where are you when I need you? You're not by my side.
Why do my tears keep falling?
For whom do I cry for?

Myself...
It has to be it.
Sounds pathetic.

Just trying to be strong before everyone else,
Just trying to show that pain was nothing to me,
Just trying to keep up this exterior.

Live up to expectations.
Live up to my friends.
Live up to everyone.

At the end of the day.
Am I really that strong?
Have I met the requirements?

There's nothing wrong with me, trying not to be me.
Right?

Haha...

Forbidden Love

2009-02-20T20:19:00.002+08:00

Attempt Number 2. Been playing the piano alot lately...

Lost

2009-02-19T22:08:00.003+08:00

Sometimes you just feel tired, but you don't want to rest.
Sometimes you wanna cry, but the tears don't come.
Sometimes you wish to hear someone badly, but he's just not there.

It's times like this, you start to question why.
You start to question the point of everything.
You start to question about what went wrong.

It's time like this that sometimes makes you feel you're alone.
That perhaps all beings alive live for their own sake.
That perhaps love was just an empty word.

Would you dare leap off a building,
Because you know someone would be there to save you?
Could you guarantee whatever is around you, is real?

How would you feel if the hand you held just yesterday felt so warm,
But somehow today it only felt cold and distant?

What was it that keeps us all together...?
Was it love?
Or we're really just not together in the first place.

Zen zen... Wakaranai.

Me On Piano

2009-02-17T17:28:00.003+08:00

Well this is the first time I video-ed myself on the piano. Failed several attempts already cause I've been playing the piano for quite some time and getting pretty tired. So my sight read sorta failed me. As you can see I slowed down alot in the middle. Sorry, will get a better version when I have the time. XD

More other songs will be played too, but I have to practise. XD Most probably At The Cafe and Songs From A Secret Garden is coming up next. =D

Anyways, why I've not blogged for a long time is self-explanatory.
- DotA
- MMORPG
- Exam
- 3 Assignments ( Or was it 4... ) [Finally Over LOL]

So where's the time to blog? LOL! Ok lame excuses. But I may start to post quite frequently again soon, depending on how much time I have on my hands and of course whether I have the material to blog about. So that's it for this time. See you! =)

New video I took. XD

The Sky That Bled

2009-01-27T01:06:00.002+08:00

"The sky bled...", I told Vince quietly.

But he don't believe me. I could tell from the way he looked away from me. Staring into the distance blankly. Or maybe he just wasn't listening.

But it wasn't surprising, nobody believed me. He is not the only one. It was true, the sky of my world was a crimson red.

I never told anyone why it bled, simply because nobody asked.

It was beautiful at first, but soon it turned melancholic.

Everytime it rained, it looked like the sky's wound opened up again. Pelt after pelt, the sky still hanged on.

"It's ok if...", I started, but before I could finish he looked at me.

I looked at the gorgeous man before me. His black hair groomed and waxed, set upon his chubby but handsome face. Sporting a short goatee. His deep dark eyes piercing into mine, it seemed as if he could read my mind.

My heart throbbed a tat faster.

He moved closer and just pulled me into his chest, holding my tightly. The usually light smell of his cologne became very heavy as I laid on his chest. But it was fine, a smell I could remember him with.

"It's alright", he said as he combed his fingers through my hair. I felt like a baby.

And suddenly the feelings welled up deep inside, surfaced and condensed as tears in my eyes. I closed my eyes and let the tears fall.

Hot tears streamed down my face, soaking into Vince's clothes. But he still held me close, coaxing me with his soothing voice.

I know not how long I laid there on his chest, but when I opened my eyes, the brilliance of the sky struck my eyes.

It was blue once again, a light and bright blue.

Another Vid In Class

2009-01-19T01:05:00.000+08:00

Time for video 2. =D

First Vid In Class

2009-01-18T01:38:00.001+08:00

Took a video in class a few days back. This is the first of more to come. >D

You Whores

2009-01-07T22:30:00.004+08:00

And so I asked all of a sudden, a passing thought.. "Why are so many gays behaving like whores?" As a gay myself, I know what it feels like to look at an attractive man and get the boner and everything. But if you thought about it, should you really act on that boner and just have fun with a random person you barely know?

Lets ask another question, "What's sex to you?". From a religious point of view, well, sex is meant for a man and a woman, and they do it to create babies. But since we're gay, we can't produce babies on our own, so sex could only mean you wanted pleasure. But this sacred act of mating (Well, maybe in this modern age, it's not really sacred anymore...), shouldn't it be done with a partner that you desire to live with for the rest of your life? Don't you feel that sex is only something you give to someone you love and not just loveless sex where you just fucked a body that's attractive to you? Would it be different if you fucked a sexy dead body then? I know it's cold, but hey, you could warm it up and fuck it all the same.

So lets go back to the main point, "Why are so many gays behaving like whores?". Because you have an animal instinct that makes you wish to sate the hunger of having pleasure? Because some are addicted to it? Because you see no point in commitment, you'd rather just fuck and go no strings attached? Because if you fucked a man he won't suddenly give birth to a baby and sue you? Why? Don't these gays have dignity? Where'd it go to? Are gays not man? Are gays not human? Are gays without morals, principles, etc?

I for one despise people who go to another just for the act of sex. I abhor them, I detest them, I absolutely do not wish to believe that such man even existed. Is the temptation so big that you can't handle it? Are you, A MAN, that weak? Why are there people willing to get fucked, and some to fuck, with no love? Is love something ancient? Is love not a gay language? Is love something out of the question?

You know, perhaps there are homophobes because of such factor. That you didn't deserve the respect due to you, that you should just be outcasted by the society for doing something so morally wrong. And a question is always on minds of people like me, when someone is interested in me. I would ask, "Does he want my body, or does he want my heart?" Time and again, anther gay gets hurt because of fucked up whores like you, you and you. Yes you. You who behaves worse than an animal.

Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Ask a question, "How cheap have I become?". What are you worth? You have a loose ass, or you have such a worn dick that perhaps it can't feel any sensation anymore. You don't love, you just fuck and get fucked. Worthless, that's what you are. To have succumbed to temptation and lowered yourself to such a pathetic level.

To those who still believes in love, never stop believing. True love will prevail, it's not just a fantasy, but hard work is required to maintain it too. If you don't get true love in this life, blame it on those fuckers who behave like whores.

Uuupppddaaatttesss

2008-12-22T01:29:00.002+08:00

Yoshi! I'm here to blog. Why? Cause my didi wants me to. Why didn't I blog for like don't know how long? BECAUSE I WAS LAZY. And of course there's nothing to blog about. SO WHY BLOG? And then it goes back to my didi again. LMAO.

Ok, so I shall try my best to blog about what I can. Hm. Just now just went out to fetch baby off from performance. Didn't go watch performance because I don't wanna spend too much during holidays. So yar, when they come out and when we're about to go for dinner. Some choir came in to perform free to everyone. They sing christmas song. Very harmonious, I like. =)

So we went for dinnner. And then chillaxed outside. No idea where is that place. The patch of grass there, can see Marina Square or something, and got staircase, and fountain? And macdonalds? And Mandarin Meritus? LOL. I not sure where is that. I only know the place. Oh, can see esplanade also.

So yar, just chill there then until 10+ jiu go home lor. Uneventful one ba.

SO YAR. THAT SUMS UP TODAY.

And previous days I'm just gaming. Went to Malaysia tue - thu but that's not even worth mentioning cause it's so boring. Just that fireflies are a very nice sight to watch. ^_^

So yar. That's all. See you!

8D

2008-12-05T17:53:00.002+08:00

STOLE THIS FROM BUTTERFLY'S BLOGGIE NIAHAHAHAHA. Update is goodiiieeee. 8D

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
Russian Roullete - 10 Years

O.O If it's not OK, you die. If it's OK, I WIN. ;D

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Drunken Lament - Ludo

Too much alcohol? XD Yeah, I love to lament too.

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Back Home - Fort Minor

I CAN BRING THEM BACK HOME. ;D (No girls though, XD)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Still Laughing - Lost Prophets

Weee! Yup, laughing my ass off. ;D

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Spit You Out - Bullet For My Valentine

AHAHA. Amazing lar, so amazing I can't comment on this. >D

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Cat and Mouse - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Yea, I love catching. >D

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Believe Me Natalie - The Killers

Only Natalie don't believe me (WHO IS THAT?!) the rest do. >D

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Fully Alive - Flyleaf

Definitely, I'm so hyperactive. >D

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
My Dsmbr - Linkin Park

Yea, my december. XD MY HOLIDAYS. =P

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Permission - Sixx A.M.

2+2 and I GET PERMISSION TO DO ANYTHING I WANT. >D

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Wasting Time – Blink 182

Now that I think about it, maybe all best friends are just a waste of time. XD

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Take Me Under - Three Days Grace

YES, UNDER THE BED SHEETS. LETS DO IT. 8D

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I'm Not Okay(I Promise) - My Chemical Romance

My iTunes is trying to do some fortune telling here. XD

14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Diamonds and Coals - Incubus

Diamonds only please. I don't wanna be coal. O:

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Cool Thing - Rascal Flatts

WEE! :3

16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Suckerpunch - Bowling for Soup

HAHAHA! Yea, this song is groovie. ;D And it will attract loadsa suckerpunches. XD

17. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time - Mariah Carey

I know, everyone loves me. ;D

18. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Greedy Room - Three Days Grace

Those greedy peeps. >D

19. WHAT IS YOUR SECRET VICE?
The Approaching Curve - Rise Against

? How can that be a vice. >D Oh wait, The Approaching Curve. THE COCK OR ASS?! XD LOLOLOL. Dirty me. :3 NO, I HAVE NO VICE. lawl.

20. WHAT DOES THIS MEME MEAN TO YOU?
Pray For Me - Sixx A.M.

Definitely. So Depressing one. XD

3rd Place

2008-11-22T13:37:00.003+08:00

I'm back again! Long time since my last update so I shall update for a bit. Joined a DotA competition in school, fought our way up but during the semi-finals we're fighting against the team who are going to be first placed, so we go knocked out before we can fight for second placing. But not to worry, at least we secured the third place.

Our team name is `XL-K. The meaning of these, you can guess, but I will not reveal. ;D ( And I really think TLLM,another team's name, is really just vulgarities.. LOL ) So we won a headset, which works pretty fine, though not extremely comfortable, but it works.

Also assignments are piling in, finished most of it and now I'm left with one. The one which is bloody irritating to do cause I guess I don't quite grasp where to start. Though the teacher did release some templates to look at, I haven't taken a look yet since.. I'm DotA-ing! LOL!

So anyways, I'm planning to make a clan web. Wonder if I have time... Oh well, without a website, we're still a clan. XD

I'm done with this update, so till next time... See you! ^_^

Squishy

2008-11-12T15:51:00.002+08:00

Do you like someone to hug you from behind? For one, I do! =)

He hugged me, so tightly, from behind. And I instantly felt happy and satisfied in that moment. Just that short brief moment where he hugged me. I forgot everything. Just the hug, and the happiness.

Do you like someone to kiss you? I do too! ;D

I love to kiss him. His soft and smooth face. His smile each time I kissed him. The small things that are unforgettable.

We may forget what people say, we may forget what people do, but we won't ever forget what feeling people gave to you.

My poor baby is having alot of stress now, I hope I'm not being a burden. And I hope he could smile his worries away, or laugh it all out. I hope he's doing fine.

I wanna hug you,
And kiss your fears,
And worries away.

I Really Love You Baby

2008-11-09T23:53:00.002+08:00

Why do I have a feeling that I'll be losing you again?

Why does it seem like whatever I say to you doesn't seem to register in your mind? It feels like I'm confessing to a person who just sees me as a friend. Why? Why does it feel that way?

Why do you not seem happy? Am I becoming a burden to you?

I'm really afraid. I'm afraid to sleep, afraid to wake up, afraid.

If I woke up without your hand to hold,
without the sound of your soothing voice,
without the gentle touch of your hand,
without your hand brushing through my hair,
without you.

I've felt it once before, and I can only say, I really don't wish to feel it again.

Tired, But Updated

2008-11-07T00:27:00.002+08:00

So I stopped and I thought.
And then I blogged. LOL.

Anyways, nothing much been happening. Mahjong yesterday. WMMT a week ago. 2 Concerts to attend to. Hmm. Yep, nothing much to post about. So this update is like so useless. LOL. Anyways, I'll end things off randomly. ;D

"The hands that held, it felt so cold.
And I who felt, I'm getting old."

I don't want any cute guys in the world, I only want my dearest baby.

"They who get what they wants, wants something else"

How long can I hold on?

It feels like...

You're slipping away all of a sudden.

Or maybe I'm just dreaming.

:)

Smiles.

What Have I Done?

2008-10-26T00:17:00.002+08:00

I'm beggining to hate myself. Of me and what I've become. I'm starting to think that I shouldn't be existing. No I'm not emo-ing. No I'm not slitting my wrist right now wishing to die. But I've just been thinking.

You know how I say things and so many times I went against it myself? Imposing yourself unto others when you know downright that it's wrong and against what I believe in, and yet I did it.

And I'm such a jealous person that sometimes I swear I could die being jealous.

I thought I could protect you, and be the man that you need me to be, but I only know I'm not and it's breaking down. All I can say is sorry.

I cry so easily that I don't think I'm a man at all.

The one who don't deserve anyone was me all along, and suddenly I just realized it like that.

Take a step back, and look what I've done to myself and everyone around me. Could I say I'm really happy about it? I'm not so sure. I don't think so. Look what I've done to my relationship. Look what I've done to my friends. Look what I've done.

Cry, was that all I can really do...?

Rejecting Expression

2008-10-23T23:55:00.003+08:00

I don't know how to reject. I don't like to express.

Cause it just simply means more people will get sad. I rather I was the one suffering. At least nobody can tell. Smile. It's always good enough and easy enough.. To just smile.

Nonsensical, Boring, But Fun, Quiz.

2008-10-21T23:19:00.003+08:00

1 ) The last person who tagged you is : SY (SilverButterfly)

2 ) Your relationship with him / her is : Best online friend? XD (That I eventually get to meet IRL)

3 ) Your impressions on him / her is : Blur? He's always forgetting stuff.

4 ) The most memorable thing he / she had done for you : I guess he and I know. Haha... Btw SY if you don't know, you got be KIDDING ME!! LOL.

5 ) The most memorable thing he / she said to you : Eh. "I'll be here ?" Haha.

6 ) if he / she becomes your lover you will : Don't think we ever would be? LOL. Come on, you know I love bears. XD

7 ) If he / she becomes your lover ,thing he / she has to improve on will be : HIS SIZE LOLOL.

8 ) if he / she becomes your enemy , the reason will be : Never.

9 ) the most desired thing you wanna do for him / her now is : Chat with him? LOL. I don't know.

10 ) your overall impression on him / her is : Hmm. Helpful. =)

11 ) how you think people around you feel about you : Nonsensical.

12 ) the character you love about yourself is : Able to come up with impromptu jokes.

13 ) on the contrary , the character you hate about yourself is: Eh. Perhaps to harsh on people sometimes. (Or most of the time)

14 ) the most ideal person you wanna be is : I don't know.

15 ) pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you :
1. Baby aka Song Lin
2. SilverButterfly (You don't have to redo if you don't want to. XD)
3. Jeff aka Didi
4. Zephyr aka Jun Sheng
5. Vanessa
6. Ethan
7. Elle
8. Draky
9. Eugene Ng
10. Eugene Yeo

16 ) who is no.6 having a relationship with?
I think nobody. =\

17) is no.9 a male or a female?
Trans. =X Male la.

18 ) if no.7 and no.10 are together , will it be a good thing?
Eh. No. Cause No.10 is attached.

19 ) how about no.8 and 5 ?
No still, cause Draky is gay.

20 ) what is no.2 studying about?
I forgot. But it's something along the lines of IT. LOL.

21 ) when was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
Few seconds ago. LOL.

22 ) what music band does no.8 like?
Oldies most probably.

23 ) Does no.1 have any siblings ?
Two brothers. =)

24 ) will you woo no.3 ?
Arh? LOL.

25 ) how bout no.7?
If I was str8. XD Elle so cute one.

27 ) whats the surname of no.5?
Chan

28 ) whats the hobby of no.4?
Playing WMMT in the arcade.

29 ) do no.5 and 9 get along?
They don't know each other and most probably never will?

30 ) where is no.2 studying at?
Singapore Poly. XD

31 ) talk something casually about no.1?
He's my sexy baby. =D

32 ) have you tried to develop feelings for no.8?
Niuuuuuuuuu. Not at all.

33 ) where does no.9 live at?
Yishun and Jurong.

34 ) what colour does no.4 like?
Pink / Purple. (That's what he told me on MSN anyways)

35 ) are no.1 and 5 best friends?
Yar lawl. ;D

36 ) does no.7 like no.2?
S1 and S2. 8D (Copy sy's face) LOL

37 ) how do you get to know no.2?
Chit chat thread. XD

38 ) does no.1 have any pets?
Jinny? XD

39 ) is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
LAWL. To me nope. XD

Moonlight

2008-10-21T00:06:00.000+08:00

Suddenly I just felt like crying, Because I can.

Good Stuff

2008-10-16T21:40:00.003+08:00

Why, So, Fucking, Cute, ONE?!?!

Just came back from school and work. What did I work as? A food taster. @_@

Let's just skip the whole tasting food thing, it's nice to eat though XD But the main point of this post is that, WHY TRUMAN'S COUSIN SO CUTE ONE ?! We could do to have more gays who look so fucking cute LOL.

And other than the fact that I had eye candy, he also approached to small talk with me, I didn't even need to initiate! LOL! So yeah, in the end just went back home on seperate ways. Haha, there are people you meet only just once in your life, I guess he's one of it. XD

Oh well, had fun, had food, had money. Good stuffs in a day. ^_^

Cute Guys

2008-10-14T20:17:00.002+08:00

Cute guys, I'm so sorry for ogling at all of you. But you all are just too cute.

What an epic way to start a blog post eh? But anyways, yep, I find that my eyes are constantly looking left to right and when I see a cute guy my eyes will sorta linger for a moment longer. But when I do that a few more times usually I'd be caught when the person looks in my direction too. Then I'd quickly look away, but I guess I'm already caught. XD

So yes, to all you peeps who caught me looking at you, you COULD be cute! XD But don't get me wrong, I stare at ugly people too, cause ugly people are kinda eye-catching too in their own way. Not that I have a fetish for them or anything. But most of the time I'm staring at cute guys, why stare at something bad when you can stare at something good? I'm not dumb ya know?

And oops, there's this guy in my class and he's cute, and I think he caught me staring more than once, I think I got caught twice today already. Epic! But come on, cut me some slack, you're just too cute not to stare at. XD But I guess I'm sorry if I made you feel uneasy, I'm not gonna rape you or anything or even prey on you. For God's sake, I'm attached and I'm not a flirt. (Ok maybe I'm a flirt, but I don't go on to any serious stuff.)

So yes, Jin likes to look at cute guys, and cute guys please don't get angry or shy, cause you're cute.

To my Baby: Don't get angry okie? I stare at them but you will always be the cutest in the world =D I love you the most too. XD *Hugs and muacks*

Some Stuff

2008-10-08T22:53:00.003+08:00

Yo! Once again, I'm back to blog. Holidays are ALMOST over. Like I'm starting school next monday. Can't say I'm all that excited, nor am I all that bored, I guess what comes will come and that all good things ends.

SO! What GEM(General Elective Module) did I choose this sem? From my friend's recommendation for Business Module ( WHICH I REALLY FUCKING HATE ) I took Know Your Rights since they say it's easy and fun. Oh well, we'll see whether it's easy, it sure ain't gonna be fun though. And another course that I took with Ryan, something about Culture and Heritage and all those bullcrap.

Yea, my final 2 GEMs. Next year I'm year 3 and I have do my Internship ( Which I'm looking forward to ). Been gaming alot lately, thanks to the latest release of DotA 6.55 it has made DotA alot more interesting than it already is. Some new items where added, and some heroes were editted, and things became more imba to play. I never got sick of DotA.

Other stuff I've been playing are Habbo Hotel ( Oh well, chatting once in a while ain't gonna kill me ), PerfectWorld International, 9Dragons, MSN, and piano? Chibi I touched it for a while, too chinese for me, and even then, PW was waaaay better. =D

So yep, spending the last of my holidays relaxing and enjoying. We're almost there, 3rd year is coming, a new year too. Cheers to all! We're all growing up! ( I'm feeling OLD ) See you. =)

Fun Days

2008-09-30T19:50:00.002+08:00

Lets start from Saturday! Baby came over to my house in the morning, chill chill slack slack love love LAWLZ. Then afternoon went to AMK to meet my Jie, lotsa rubbish to talk about while waiting for Hua Hua (Chen Lei). Then Merlyn will be late so we proceeded to Orchard first. Went to eat at Taka, the very tasty noodles. Yum yum, but I preferred the cheese one. =S

Everyone bought different food, then we waited for Merlyn, crapped all the way, then when she came we walked to Plaza Sing to watch movie. Disaster Movie is a nonsensical and mildly funny movie, don't waste money one it LOL. It makes you so confused till you think your spending money to get confused.

After movies we went Carls Junior and ate good stuff. ^_^ Then I owe Merlyn $11. Lawlz, blardy expensive meal. >D And when I first made the tea it tasted horrible cause I didn't add the sugar water and the lemon. Yucks. But after saving my drink it tasted nice. (Like your everyday Ice Lemon Tea)

Then after that went home. Talked about lotsa lotsa stuff. ^_^ Totally had fun.

Sunday and monday, nothing much going on. Though baby did come yesterday to accompany me. :3

So today, I went to Elle's house to play Rockband!!! There is supposed to be more people coming, but WTF?! Ended up only me and Elle play all the way till 6pm+. She did receive SMS around 5-6 pm though. One just woke up, the other going for.. I forgot what. XD So yeah, Rockband is definitely fun. ^_^

No photos, cause two person can't be bothered to camwhore, and I can't exactly sneak take any photos cause my phone CAN'T TAKE PHOTOS. ==" So yea, that's it. Toodles~ =)

Random Lulz

2008-09-26T00:46:00.002+08:00

Dear SY,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but the mafia wants you. I think I realized it on 1st of May in your camping car, and I saw you carve your initials into my fart balloon. I'm sure you're frostbitten enough to understand how awful I've felt. I'm returning your Darth Vader poster to you, but I'll keep your grades from college as a memory. You should also know that I always have felt dirty before our friendship.

In pain,
-Jin

--------

Here's what you do:

Dear (friend), I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it on ___2___ ___3___, and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.___12___,
-Your Name

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'm joining the convent
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyed - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F – My virginity
G/H – Your neighbour Martin
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Eat cake and die
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

Homosexualism

2008-09-23T16:48:00.005+08:00

I'm feeling weird all over. Head to toe, left to right. Must be because of the dream I had. Oh well.. Many things happened these pass few days. Looking forward to saturday, gonna have fun. Hmm, I wanted to blog but now I suddenly just didn't feel like blogging anymore. See what I mean by weird? I don't have an urge to do anything, maybe I should try doing nothing and see how that works.

Hmm, lets make a subject out of nowhere then. I guess we'll talk about homosexualism. I've talked about it somewhere before, somewhere on my other ancient blog that's collecting dust.

Homosexualism - Gay & Lesbian
I didn't really care who I was in the past, in fact, I didn't know I was gay. I just sorta found out I was gay when I get the lust towards guy. (Me being the young and horny me) So anyways, what I'd like to point out is that you are you. Whoever you are, be it asexual, bisexual, homosexual, whatever, you are you. There's no point suppressing the fact.

So live with it. I know in some countries out there, it's tough, it's against religious laws, it's against a country's law sometimes too. But remember, I don't think anyone can ever change themselves through any means and way. Successful converts of gays into straights or lesbians into straights, always seem to have repercussions.

Parents are another factor. Imagine you are the only son in your family, what are they gonna do? Still, you must take that brave step out of your confinement. But do take note, only take it when you're ready. By ready I mean when you are confident about who you are. Take the first step, you can look for your closest friend, or you can just look for your parents. Friends are easier to accept you, since you are not related to them by blood and they don't really give a fucking hoot as long as you don't do funny shit to them.

Parents will be harder, like they'll ask you to go consult some doctor, or some religious Father, or whatever. You can just go along as they want, but one day they will just figure that, my son/daughter is gay/lesbian, I gotta live with it. And when that day comes, you will actually feel relief and the freedom of being who you realy are.

People who don't accept you as who they are, don't give a fuck about them. Homophobes are just people who are afraid of turning homo themselves. Or maybe they are homo and are just trying to fit into the society, but they are the gutless ones. So no matter what, do not bow down to them. You can be bloody manly, you can have that insane sex drive any straight man have towards girls, you can very well be a homo. So be who you are, and don't doubt who you are.

And I'd like to recommend a show called Will & Grace. Watch it, it's inspirational and it's a comedy. After watching it, ask yourself, "What's stopping me from being me?". You'll understand then.

Being homosexual is not an "IN" thing. It's not a fashion statement. So you homo-wannabes out there please just fuck off. I only see it as a mockery, and it really ain't entertaining. Like those superstars who wishes to claim "I'M GAY" just so they can get more attention. Or try to create rumours that "HOLY SHIT HE FUCKED A GUY!". No seriously, if you're straight live with it too, don't tarnish the name of homosexualism.

Some countries are so bloody conservative they persecute/prosecute homos. But you know, sometimes people should take a stand. You adults homos out there, why don't you take a stand, why are you so afraid, what do you have to be afraid of? You are you, the world may be against you, but there are people out there who will support you. Why? Because we are one.

Voice it out, fight for the change. Ever read the story of the homosexual soldiers. (I forgot the name of it) But because gays love each other, they fought to protect their beloved. When their beloved dies in the battle, the other will fight with renewed passion because there was nothing more to lose. So fight, till the last one falls, because there will be more of us to come, and nobody can stop this.

The world is changing, talk about liberation, talk about destruction.

And you know, we really can't stop the world from moving, not in thousands of years.

Reflections Of Life

2008-09-17T00:51:00.002+08:00

And I told myself, if it wasn't against my conscience, then I don't have to be sorry.

Thinking back, to the times before so many things happened in my life, when I was leading it peacefully. Think Secondary School days. Think before Secondary 4. Think about, the friends I used to have who have gone their own ways, unheard from since then.

Lets start with the time when I was just a kid. I was naughty, I destroy things, I love playing, I love having fun with my neighbors. As I grew up, as my characteristics built up. I felt I was loyal to my friends, whoever it was, if I'd call you friend, I'd be loyal. And I grew up more.. Still remember the time where I befriended the outcasted in our class and brought them together. We were one, nothing could stop us. One for all, all for one.

If you befriended the outcasted, you'd understand how they feel, you'd understand the words compassionate, sympathy, to love, to be loved, etc. You'd understand, that afterall, we are all human. I know life ain't fair, but I guess that everyone deserve a chance in life, and soon, that became part of my characteristic.

And as I grow up, I became more and more like what I am now.

If you'd ask me to describe myself. I'd say..

- I'm loyal.
- I won't say things behind your back that I won't dare say in your face.
- I'm frank but I don't just point things out - I'd put it forward politely in a way he'd understand but would not be hurt.
- I'm a lonely person and I like company.
- I like to joke, people who can't do it can hardly click but there are exceptions.
- I don't follow trends, I like to alter and do things my own style.
- Always stay open minded, people say things, you hear things, people do things, take in the positive things, work on some of the negative things, other unconstructive stuff can be just thrown to a corner and laid to waste.
- I'm a determined person. If I set a target, I'd try every mean and way to attain it.

I think there are many more things I can say about myself, but lets just stop there.

So now thinking about things, perhaps, just perhaps, somewhere in some part of my life something went wrong, and I sort of grew up and learnt the wrong things. If someone told me, I think I would change though, afterall, we're trying to be as good a person as we can be. (Though I know some people are just plain evil, but lets leave that out) Deep in our hearts, we hope we can be a better person, and things people say sometimes just do make sense.

I'd accept it, I'd change things in my own way. But that's just me.

*Sigh*

This post is long, and sometimes I don't think it makes any sense, pardon me.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Who are we to judge others whom are not us.
They who judge, and don't likes it when they are judged..
Do not upon others, what you don't want others to do upon you..
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Judgement, backstab, betrayal, etc...

It's all part and pieces, and it's all the same thing. It's nothing good. So why continue to do it.

I rest my case.

I say no more.

They who wish to do what they wish to,
I'm not one to stop anything or anyone.
The person who mayhap regret in the end,
It can be either or both you and I.

"It's a very freedom kind of thing" - Darul

Yes, the freedom of life. But this is reality. It's more cruel than you accept it to be.

Minor Redone

2008-09-12T13:24:00.002+08:00

Minorly redid my blog skin. If I'm hardworkin enough I might have redone it entirely. LOL. Then again I'm not really that interested in changing the entire layout, cause I ain't got no inspiration right now. Though my hands has been itching to do some scripting and designing. But this would have to suffice.

Now it's got a more red and bloody feel, perhaps angsty, perhaps punkish, who knows. I don't even know what style this is. It just is. LOL. Anyways, nothing much been happening in my life. I mean, what could happen if you're just playing games most of your time awake?!

But yeah, recently did play the piano for a bit. Dekaron and DotA most of the time. The usual stuff. Other than that, there's really not anything I can post. Perhaps tomorrow, when I've gone to baby's concert, then I've got something proper to say, but till then, I'm just wasting my life away on games. So yeah. Till next time, see ya.

I'm Just Bored 2

2008-08-27T16:36:00.003+08:00

Thank you Vanvan for being there. *Huggies* :D

Survey for the bored 2

1. Do you like to play Simon Says?
Err, depends. LOL.

2. If you were to receive a hug, would you prefer a skinny person or a medium sized person, or big sized person?
BIG! XD They are so warm. ;x

3. Dinosaur or Lion?
Lion. ROAR!

4. Lion or Tiger?
Tiger, meowzingROAR!

5. Tiger or Bear?
Bear, GROWL!

6. Bear or dog?
Bear, GROWLLLLL!!

7. Dog or Cat?
Dog, WOOF WOOF! :3

8. If you could change one thing about you, what would that be?
My eyes? XD I love blue eyes.

9. If you wanted to cry, what day would be best to cry?
LOL. No idea.. Monday? XD

10. If you had chest hair, would you donate some to me?
LOL!!! NIUU, those are MINE. XD Who wants chest hair donation anyways, ROFL.

I'm Just Bored

2008-08-22T23:14:00.002+08:00

Oki! Since I'm so bored, and I'm sure all of you are raring for an update(LOL, so thick-skinned), here's one dumb survey I made myself. ONLY FOR THE BORED. XD

1. If you're about to die, and only God knows why you only have breath for only one last word, what would it be?
Lin

2. If you give a kiss to someone, must that someone be a person you love?
Yes (YAY FOR DUMB QUESTION)

3. If you could change your horoscope, what would you wanna be?
LEO! Roar! Don't ask me why.

4. You got 10 seconds before some terrorist kills you, you're immobilized and the only thing you can do is stare, what would you stare at?
Stare at a wall, then DIE. XD

5. If you dreamt that you died, will you wake up?
I hope so. 0.0

6. If you only have 3 different undergarments(or not) left to wear, and you must wear one, which would you choose, rainbow underwear, g-string, scotchtape.
Ok i choose g-string. sexy ~~ ROFL

7. A dick or a vagina, which would you rather be?
Holy dirty question! A dick. =D Don't ask. XD

8. If you can change your name, what name would you give yourself?
Jin. WEEE!

9. If you can pee on anything you like only for once, what would you pee on?
YOU! XD

10. If you could fly, where do you wanna fly?
Fly away~. ROFL

YAY FOR RANDOM LAME QUESTIONS. Till next time, see you!

Hontoni Gomenasai

2008-08-17T23:45:00.003+08:00

There are things I wish to apologise for. I'm not a perfect person, no one is. And when we love someone, yes, we try to see pass the imperfection to see the person as perfect. But there are times where this rule cannot exist and you know you must make changes to yourself.

So let me start,

#1 - I'm sorry, that I made you choose, I won't ever ask you to choose again. There's nothing to choose. Things you love, none of it should be taken away from you. Because things you love are things that makes you happy and who you are.

#2 - I'm sorry I always pick fights with you. Small little things and I can make it sound like it means everything to me. Now I see that I'm in the wrong nearly all the time. I'm sorry I did this to you, I truly am.

#3 - I'm sorry that I made you sad. I really like to see you happy. It makes me happy. You know, you gave me a will to laugh and smile. I still remember that time I was acting angry with you, maybe you didn't know. You still smiled and laugh, if you didn't know, I was already content at that moment. That I have someone like you, even the darkest days of my life could be as bright as day.

I'm willing to change. I'm willing to amend. Give me that one chance that I need so much to show you how much I love you and need you. You make me happy.

Remember the time we spent looking up at the night sky filled with stars? And there's three stars that formed a triangle? And we saw it the other day at esplanade? It followed us, haha.

Remember that time we sat together on the bench in RP? Listening to Fei Ni Mo Shu, then a teacher came to us and told us that the place is closed and we have to move to Agora something. Hahaha.

And another time we went to the toilet, walked out and saw two guys!! >_<

And also the times we are at the concerts...

Small little things like watching you sleep, sleeping with you, watching you smile, your hair, everything about you makes me feel happy. Makes me feel that, hey, there's this person who's dear to me and I want to protect and love this person. And that life isn't really that bad because I have you.

I wanna be that person to you too.

I'm really sorry I did alot of mean things. I was stupid, I'm not so good in a relationship too. Afterall it's my first time. Be we can learn from it and grow. I regret the things I've done.

I once said we don't know what we have till it's gone. I should have said that to myself. I'm really, really, sincerely, sorry.

You don't have to give me an answer now.

But I will show you how sorry I am, and how much I really love you.

Down, But Not Dead

2008-08-17T10:20:00.003+08:00

Hello everyone. I'm back to post. Jin may have fallen, but Jin is not dead. In response to what I saw elsewhere, all I can say is, good try, but there's a loophole. That things goes in a cycle.

I understand what is happening, and I'm calm about it. Though I cried, though I know I'm sorrowful right now, maybe things won't ever be the same again. Shinjiteru - Believe, in this world, if everyone gave up on that, then we're truly gone. But there will always be someone, who's willing to give their all for what they believe in, and I for one, believe in you, and I believe in love.

My words may never reach you, may never reach inside your heart anymore again. But remember the warmth we had, and don't let that slip away. For that warmth, is being kept alive by me.

Indeed, we lose things, then we find that we didn't treasure it. But that doesn't mean I didn't try to.

On the day you told me everything, here's what I understand about it. Our love didn't die. Our love didn't give up on us. It's you who died, you who gave up on it. Even if I'm broken by that, but I didn't die, I haven't given up on it.

Which relationships doesn't have its highs and lows?

Giving up when we're already so far down the road, that's such a pity.

And before I go, let me finish up the poem that you wrote.

--

But love is insistent.

Like Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter.

The four seasons are forever in a cycle.

And love will bloom.

Reincarnated with a new passion.

--

Grief

2008-08-15T18:48:00.002+08:00

Many things in life I have failed. But never once, have I failed to reach such utter despair. The exchange of words, blow after blow, who ever could take it, I don't think the person is sane.

Life was never fair too. I understood that. But God has taken many things away from my grasp, and this one thing that I held so true, is taken away too. But I don't believe in God, and even if I do, I understand how this was caused by me and not Him.

I prayed to seek an answer before, perhaps I didn't receive on was because I didn't believed enough. Or maybe he had it all planned for me so I can experience it myself and judge for myself.

Was this what I want, a heartache so pain it could kill.

So pain I wish God could whisk me away into his arms so that I could be relieved.

First love, last love?

Utter nonsense. Everyone is right, life is not a fairytale. Even if it was, the evil always won. Because this is reality, evil wins.

There's many things I want to say.

But at the same time I should not say.

Let's just leave it to be interpreted with three words.

I Love You.

The Piano

2008-08-14T18:53:00.004+08:00

The full moon shone brightly, piercing through a huge glass window, illuminating a black grand piano placed beside it. The piano looks old and untouched for years. Looking out the window, one could only see clouds below them, and above, millions of stars shining brightly. It was beautiful, but that night, the view was melancholic.

A slender man emerged from the shadows, and sat in front of the grand piano. His face hidden by the shadows. Only his frail white hands were seen. It lifted slowly and rested upon the dusty lid of the piano. Slowly, he slid his hand across, and somehow, the dust slowly faded away, the piano seemed revived, and it was suddenly a glossy black, like it was brand new.

Opening the lid, his fingers rested on the keys.

***

The feel of the piano haven't changed after all these years...

I pressed a key, the clear sound rang through the empty room shattering the deathly silence. And as it reaches my ears, thousands of memories flashed in my mind. Ones of joy, sorrow and anger.

Why...?

I reached to press another key, and this time, my eyes watered.

How long has it been...

I began to play a song slowly, one key at a time. And as I continued, my finger picked up speed, very soon, my fingers were racing across the keys.

***

His body swayed, his hands drifting from one end of the piano to the other. A tragic song that no one has ever heard rang through the silent night. Notes after notes, it seemed to tell a story. A story that perhaps only he knew.

***

My eyes were blurred by the tears, making it hard to see which keys I was pressing, but the song was too familiar to me, that I need not look at the keys to play. So I closed my eyes, and tears slid free, down my face. Scalding my cheeks.

The thousands of notes in this song, that represents every single one of my memory. I played it with my heart, I played it with all I had, I gave my all into these frail hands of mine, I was determined to complete it.

I started breathing heavily from the strain, beads of sweats burst from it's pores, but I'm not stopping. My hands continued flowing, the music never ending. Note by note, memory by memory. I got lost within the moment.

***

He was crying freely now, as the song reaches an extremely sad and solemn tune. Low keys, pressed rapidly and softly, combined with the high keys that told the story, it all fell together, it was like God specifically placed these notes together, and formed a perfect song of tragedy.

He continued desperately, to speak out whatever he never said, through the music, through the tears that fell, through the hands that shook with agony as his strength slowly faded, through his heaving breaths.

***

The end of the song was near, it was almost complete, I continued playing on, I can't stop now, it's too late to stop. But all of a sudden, my breath caught in my throat. I couldn't draw another breath, the sound of my heart thumped through my ears. I stared at my fingers, willing them on, forcing the last of my energy into them, but I couldn't move them.

My view started to fade as my brain slowly suffered from the lack of oxygen. I could hear the beat of my heart slowing down greatly. I felt tired all of a sudden, really tired. My eyelids were heavy, my spine felt too tired to support my back. I fell backward.

Time seemed to slow down as I fell. Looking out the window, the view that was so familiar faded into view, then faded out again. My heart slowed down even further.

Was it ever... This sad...

***

He fell to the floor, eyes staring up at the night sky blankly. His mouth opened and heart stopped.

The piano started to age again, and soon, it turned back into a dusty, old piano.

***

Was it...?

Changes of Life

2008-08-09T00:03:00.004+08:00

I'd like to stop here in my tracks, and enjoy what there is right now. I'd like to grow up in the future, and be able to tell a story. I remember the time. People grow old, behaviors change, human never stay the same, I guess all goes the same for everything else. So here I am now, lamenting on what has changed.

Many times before, I've told myself that I shall not regret. Even if there was something to regret, I'd tell myself not to. For what has passed, is already past. Then again, self deceit only last thus far. There are insurmountable regrets, there are many things that I wish could be done over again, but I can't alter the sands of time. It only seeps on with each second passing, never stopping.

Try as I may to look forward to the future, to prepare for it, so as not to cause anymore regrets. It still doesn't stop there. Multiple factors with immense self characteristics involved. A leopard never changes its spots, and I'm no different.

Sometimes I'd hold on to the things that hardly change, but I found myself not progressing. Stuck on the spot, never moving, always reminiscing. Then I tried to move, and found myself too comfortable with what I already have. You know, if everything love to change so much around me, perhaps it's time I make a change too.

Then again I'm too afraid to take a first step towards change. What's change? Change is a scary thing. Change is something that me, a Taurus, hates alot. But it has nothing to do with my horoscope, I'm borned to hate changes. But still, my other characteristics pushed me on to adapt. Human nature.

Change, for the worse, or the better? Who knows. Even as I speak, breath, sleep, die, everything continues to change. It doesn't stop. It's worse than death, than wars, than famines. Changes could ruin lives, could put a stop to everything, could do anything your mind can ever think of. Change is of an infinite value and power that nobody can ever fully control.

That's how scary change is. Unpredictable, never-stopping, ever ready.

With a snap of a finger, the world could end. What's life compared to change? It's nothing, for life can't stop changes. Though life can alter changes. Maybe that'd be the counter. Or maybe, we'd just move to our own armageddon.

After I've typed all these, I realized I've changed alot too. So much so that I miss the self I was quite some time ago. Rebellious, passionate, hot-headed, many characteristics that seemed to have been drawn out of me because of my surroundings. Who I grow up to be, how I grow up, when I grow up, it all left me one by one. What do we become when we're adults? A person that does what everyone else do?

Maybe I'd stop the sands of time for myself. For once, I shall stop changing. I shall be the me now, and I shall be the me forever. It's gonna be hard. But I'm gonna stay strong. I'm gonna be adamant about who I am. Some may say that there are times where others know you better than yourself. But I doubt anyone can ever understand me better than myself.

Why do I say that? Because there are masks we put on, deceit that we play out, lies that we speak of. At the end of the day, many a times, we're the only one who know what we've done to mask things up. Who knows me best? Me, of course. And to each of you out there. Don't lose sight of yourself. Don't let people tell you who you are. They know nought about what's you and truly you. They want you to change, they are out there to change things, but trust me, believe in yourself.

Ah, what irony. Here I am preaching, and most probably I've already changed someone out there. I guess change is really inevitable. Till next time, see you all.

NDP Preview 2008

2008-08-02T23:46:00.002+08:00

Awesome! Just awesome! But I won't be posting pictures cause I'm bloody lazy! LOL. Anyways, if you want any, you can go to my Baby's blog and catch a glimpse of a few. And the nicest on is on his blog too. =) (The one where there's a heart shape) Some team called The Black Knights or something if I remembered correctly. Plain awesome.

If you're going for the actual performance, be prepared for the AWESOME jet fighter performances. After which there are several interesting sections to watch out for too. Marina wave was quite fun (And high) xD Besides that, there are those usual fireworks, which just never seem to get boring =) Shiny thing has a way to somehow make it into my heart xD

I'm really glad baby was with me. It would be so much different if he wasn't with me. And also, at the end of the show, a DJ went on stage and played AWESOME songs! I wish I was in a disco/pub/club right then and there, cause it's some really high music and all I wanted to do is get high and dance. xD

I'm very tired from all the assignment rushing these few days, so I'm glad I took this break and that everything is almost over. Cheer me on and OOOOSH! I will survive!

Gone

2008-07-26T18:52:00.003+08:00

She walked along the snow covered streets. Pass many couples spending the lovely night together. Pass the shops that had many lovely items that could capture any woman's heart. She trudged on like a walking dead clad in a beautiful but thin dress that could hardly shield her from the cold.

Her hands were limp beside her, hair falling over her face. And suddenly she just fell. On the spot, in the middle of nowhere. Her hair splayed open revealing her eyes. It was a pair of sore and red eyes, showing hardly any sign of life. She just laid there. And something glistened under the moonlight on her face. As quickly as it appeared, it disappeared silently.

Down the street, a man sat alone in the restaurant. An impatient look on his face. He checked his watch and gave an irritated grunt. Sipping the last of his red wine, he called for the bill. He set off after that, down the opposite direction from where the woman fell.

The woman eyes moved to look at the moon, her lips struggling to form words. But only a sigh escaped her lips before she breathed her last and went all limp. The man moved on in the other direction, never knowing what had happened. Further, and further... Away.

What If You Couldn't

2008-07-24T18:42:00.003+08:00

Have you just gotten used to me? Everyday at a certain time, I would just magically appear there? When you need someone I'd just teleport right beside you? That when no one is there I'll just be magically waiting in a corner for you? Have you just gotten used to that?

I feel that way. I feel that you don't love me truly. You only got used to it. And as human, you were afraid to lose it, but only because you're too comfortable with it. Without it you were afraid of the changes that might occur. Is it that way? Don't just tell me things I wana hear, if you told me what you felt I could be feeling better right now. Cause it's really not there even though I tried so hard.

Choices you make, sometimes I feel it's cause you got used to me. You got used to me fetching you off from school everyday. So maybe if you had something better to do than to see me, you could put me off and do what you want to. Well have you considered how I would have felt. Have you considered what if there wasn't a tomorrow where you can see me.

My mom said she's afraid you could be using me. I told her to trust me.

A friend whom I don't really know but is older and wiser than me, told me that no gay relationship lasts long. I said I could prove it otherwise.

And there's a friend of mine who doesn't have much luck with relationships and he just want to settle down with someone so he could face the future. He tried his best in every relationship but things just didn't work out. Is that the way you want us to end up?

When I say things I mean them. Have you tried doing the same thing?

I never believe in ending a relationship right then and there cause I know there's always a way to work things out. But if you weren't trying, then tell me how is it gonna work out. By itself?

Have you ever thought of including me in some of your activities that you do? Or maybe even cared to plan some things to do with me?

I'm pissed. I'm tired. I need to get something in return when I've given so much.

No I don't need your sex.

No I don't need your body.

What I want is your feelings.

Can you understand? Is it so hard to comprehend?

Am I so unreadable to you after so long?

Am I there cause you're used to it?

What if I took a knife right now and slit my wrists real deep the bleeding can't be stopped?

Or I leapt off my window which is wide open?

If you're thinking that you can see me tomorrow, what if you couldn't even if you wanted to?

Ironic

2008-07-23T19:41:00.004+08:00

Here I am, once again, to speak things out from my heart. My audience, listen well, hold my hand too and please don't let me break down.

Assignments have to be done, I feel mounting pressure, all of these assignments will be graded and will greatly affect my semester's GPA. I've got a GEM that I know nuts about and I have to finish an assignment along with an exam. I feel fucked.

I woke up in the middle of the night to a stomach that gave me nightmares. Slept and woke up only an hour later just so I can reach school on time. And I got drenched in the process. In school it was another rush for assignments.

I got back home, I felt quite reliefed, I thought, hey, at least I'd have someone to comfort me. Man, was I wrong. First thing I read, it was saying you're choosing something over me. Fine by me. You know, sometimes I really hate to spell things out for you and writing how I feel in black and white on my blog. And by the way, if I never told you I updated you would never come would you?

You hardly leave a message on my tagboard too. Ok, maybe I'm just petty. I want all these small little things. Fuck am I demanding. Fuck I'm a bitch. Fuck I'm a demanding bitch. What a combo don't you think? Well, it's me now and it's me forever.

And yeah, this is a one sided view. It's my view. It's me in my very narrow view if you may. Maybe I'm not compromising enough like you hinted at the last time. Maybe I'm not giving my all. Well, MAYBE.

In my heart I know what I've done and I can say I have a clear conscience. If you say the same for yourself, I guess you can too. After all, we love to LIVE FOR OURSELVES, don't you think so?

Tch. I just read and found my post kinda funny.. Hahahaha. I guess I'll be the only who sees the irony. See y'all next time.

I Laughed Real Hard

2008-07-21T23:38:00.003+08:00

It's funny. Rich people discussing what to buy that is. Or what people would rather buy. No offense or anything, but I just find it utterly funny. I think it's a dark humour or something. 0.o

Tell me, what's a brand to you? If I owned something like Calvin Klein: Eternity (Which I do own), does it somehow make you more superior or special in any way? Ok, scrape that idea and lets move on to another one. You bought a Billabong pants, but I bought a WAY cooler than you but is brandless and cheaper pants, tell me which is more worth it? The brand Billabong? Or the brandless pants with awesome design?

I guess people buy things brainlessly. They think the more they spend the cooler they are. Here's what's my bottom line, you're brainless. Still, I mean no offense. But I meant that seriously.

I can dress and look better than you, you can own all the brand you like. But at the end of the day, it's either you're wearing style, or you're wearing brand. So you rather walk around being a free advertisement for some particular brand you think is cool? Haha, utterly brainless. x)

Sometimes I just don't get it. I'm not gonna defame any brand. I'm just gonna say some few things. Does a star on your shoe really make your shoe worth that much more money? To hell if it was. The design sucks, the color sucks, whoever thinks that shoe is cool.. You're just going for the brand, admit it.

Though those shoes with a tick on it does look nice, at least they bothered to design, they bothered to come up with shoe mechanics, they bothered for quality.

Lets go easy on the shoes, lets pick another one. Why pick rumpled bags? (I know you know we all know what brand I'm talking about) The design is pathetic, the logo is.. What, some cutie? Yea as if you were attracted to that. Oh wait, you are, cause you're attracted to the brand and its exorbitant pricings. It just makes me laugh how some people can think of spending money this way. xD At least Magnesium has better designs and cheaper prices. Magnesium for the win.

Here's the final say. Brand not equal to style. Style is not equal to brand. Style, is dressing with your brain. Brand, is just something for the rich, cause they are mostly brainless. =)

Me. Just my random thoughts. Fleeting. As soon as I typed it, I forgot what I've said. See ya next time, peace out.

No One Listens Anymore

2008-07-17T23:53:00.002+08:00

You're right bro. Dead right. Sometimes all I want is for someone to listen. Because it seems everyone stopped listening.

When has it been so hard to speak and actually have an audience?

Maybe I'm trying too hard.

Or maybe it's just me.

Or maybe no one wants to hear me.

I miss the girl-friends that I have, who can talk with me about so many things and also listen to what I had to say. We joke, we laugh, we care for each other. Somehow I lost touch of that.

My friends don't hang out. It was going home everyday. We barely talk if we don't joke. I know sometimes it's fun to have things this way. But sometimes I guess I really feel empty.

Live and let live?

What else is there to do.

I'm not an impressive person am I. Till now it seems I've not impressed you with anything. Or maybe it wasn't the impressing part. Rather, it's...

Try, try harder. Remedy pain with laughter.

Lets stop thinking, so life could be a brainless uneventful journey.

At least at the end of the day, I'm not sad.. Just empty.

As We Grow Old

2008-07-15T22:55:00.003+08:00

Stumbled upon my own video after searching for my old username on YouTube. Brought back alot of memories. Of why I did those videos. Of how hard it was for me to walk through so many things at that point in my life. Everyone grows up, I have too. And I'm glad that phase was over. I now have someone I can love, and someone who loves me.

But it's hard not to think about the what-ifs. There's many things that could have happened, and many things I wished had happened. I don't brood over it, but sometimes it's just interesting to think about such stuff for a while. And everything's impossible now even if I tried too. =) What's more I have my baby. Adding on to that, me and him(My first love) barely know each other, barely talks to each other, barely anything at all to each other now.

But I have to thank him for many things that I've only realized now. How much he has given too me, and at that point in time I had wanted more. But now I know, he has already given too much. Even though he may not read this, I'd like to thank him sincerely from the bottom of my heart, thanks for being my friend once. Even though everything's changed, I guess the step you took in my world, left a very deep footprint.

I learn, and I grow from my experience. Now I can only hope me and my baby will be blessed. Blessed to be together, blessed with loved, blessed. I feel so in love that I feel happy. So so happy. Now I know what it feels like, to have a wife(Husband). I'd like to wake up to see his face beside me, snoring softly(or loudly) away. Then I'd give him a morning kiss and "accidentally" wake him up.

I'd like to sit aimlessly with him at a roadside cafe, holdings hands, sitting side by side, leaning on each other, looking at passers-by. I'd like to bring him to experience the cold and beautiful winter of the oversea countries. I'd like him to experience joy, to see many beautiful things.

I'd like to protect him with all my life.

What exactly have I learnt from my experiences? =) Here's one thing that's very important. Never expect too much from your loved ones. We all are humans, not God, we can't be everything you need at the same time. So take things as it goes, and do remember to give things back in return. That's love. Sharing. And caring. Don't complain, instead be satisfied. We're not perfect. But I'm trying to see pass the imperfection, so that you'd be perfect to me.

Only to me, through my eyes.

I'd like to walk down this road and at the end of the day, I want to say. Am I glad, I have you by my side, and I love you so much.

Secondhand Serenade - Stay Close, Don't Go
I'm staring at the glass in front of me,
Is it half empty of our wins or have i ruined all you've given me?
I know I've been selfish,
I know I've been foolish,
But look through that
And you will see,
I'll do better, I know,
Baby, I can do better.

If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
Don't tell me I will make it on my own,
Don't leave me tonight,
This heart of stone will sing till it dies
If you leave me tonight.

Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,
I listen to your breathing,
Amazed how I somehow managed to
Sweep you off your feet girl,
Your perfect little feet girl
I took for granted what you do.
But I'll do better, I know
Baby, I can do better.

If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
Don't tell me I will make it on my own,
Don't leave me tonight,
This heart of stone will sing till it dies
If you leave me tonight.

And don't you know my heart is open, oh,
It's putting up the fight,
And I've got this feeling,
That everything's alright,
And don't you see,
I'm not the only one for you
But you're the only one for me.

If you leave me tonight I'll wake up alone,

(Stay)If you leave me tonight,
(Close)I'll wake up alone,
(Don't)Don't tell me I will
(Go)Make it on my own,
(Stay)Don't leave me tonight,
(Close)This heart of stone
(Don't)Will sing till it dies
(Go)If you leave me tonight.
Don't leave me tonight

If

2008-07-11T17:25:00.004+08:00

I shall try by every means and ways possible to make myself live life happily. I do stupid things in the process, but I don't care since that's just the way I am. Why, how, when, where, whatever. Questions asked, but I don't wish to answer them. I know it would hurt people if I spilled it, and if everyone ends up sad, what's the point.

So lets just do what I do best, lets hide things that need not be said and carry on happily. Unsaid truths, are lies? I don't really care. White lie, black lie, purple lie, lets have a rainbow lie, all lies are bad. And so what if I'm bad? I'm not one to care about trivial things.

It's about sacrifices, it's about compromise, it's about understanding. If you understood, then you'd compromise and sacrifice. If not, then the other will understand somehow. If both sides don't understand, then it'd lead to a sad or angry situation.

So I found myself back. I picked myself up along the streets where I left myself. I understood myself. I discovered the me that I lost somewhere along the way. The me that I used to be. Someone who can sacrifice everything just so everyone would be happy. If everyone around you is happy, you'd be naturally happy. True?

I'm not noble. I'm not trying to show off. I'm not trying to gain sympathy or pity. I'm just saying my characteristic. If you think otherwise, you have your rights. But no one knows me better than I do. And it's not really noble if you think that way, it's cowardice. Why do I place it that way? Simple.

Fear. Who's fear? Mine. What fear? Fear of change. I don't dare to change things. I don't dare to step out of my boundaries that I inadvertently set up. I don't dare to stand up and shout I've Had It. I'd rather sit in a corner cursing silently. Or I'd spend some quality time with the wide endless sky above me that always seemed to bring me some inner peace.

If one could see things through their lover's eyes,
one would be able to love their lover more.
If one's lover could see things through one's eyes,
one's lover would be able to love one more.
If both could see things through each others eyes,
then there wouldn't be so much pain,
But more love to be had.

There are many things... I have always been... Maybe you'd realize... Too fast... Just stop, and...

There are many things that I try not to say. I have always been hoping, that maybe you'd realize one day, that you were going too fast. And you'd just stop, and see things through my eyes.

Evolving of the Evolution

2008-07-06T21:55:00.002+08:00

Added a new song to playlist. Title is updated already. Today went to Cosfest VII. Quite interesting. Got Vincent Valentines. xD And a few others. Performance was alright I guess. =\ First one quite funny. x) But I think Singaporean sense of humour not quite there yet. Maybe ganbatte abit more will be hilarious liaos.

Ok, so got back home, rushed my PCGD, then played dota. Disappointingly our team one leaver. Played for one entire hour before it finally ended with a defeat. Played my best, everythings for the fun of it. It's ok to lose. x) Then now I'm tired, but I'm not sure whether I wanna sleep. I can't make up my mind. Haha. Cause sometimes when I try to sleep, my mind will still be racing.

It will be thinking from one thing to another till I can't sleep. It's really tiring. As if a part of me has gone over to the side of insanity. Think think think think. God grant me brain to think, but he forgot to grant me the power to stop thinking. And since when did I believe in God. x) Oh yea, since a long time ago and i stopped. Haha.

I somewhat feel that everything's changed around me. Better or worse? I'm really not so sure. As in the previous post I did say something about me changing too. What's really happening. Maturity? Evolving? Advancing? Or retracing? I can't really decide if it's good or bad rigt now. Me and my judgemental mind doesn't have anything to say. Maybe it's because I'm holding back my judgement. I wanted to see how things would happen if I don't exactly say out how I feel about things.

Letting things have their own flow over the flow I want. It's pointless to change the direction of a tsunami right? You can't change it. So if things went the way it should without me trying to obstruct it. Is that letting go of control? Or is that fear of control?

*Sigh* Jin has turned pessimistic. Though he still can encourage people, I guess he forgot how he should encourage himself. What was the aim of life again? I forgot. Was that why I lost track? Because the main driving force faded? Hold. On to what? What's happening? What do I live for...?

Story Aborted

2008-06-30T23:01:00.002+08:00

Ok, I'm damn lazy since school started. No time for rubbish like story writing. Diablo 3 has been announced and I'm replaying the Diablo series to get warmed up for the big release. (Which is most probably gonna be 2-4 years from now.) Everything's going pretty fine, not sure about exam results though. I know I'm gonna suck. What's with slacking. *Sigh*

I'm not sure what to get my baby for his birthday. A cute plushie bear? A bottle? A wallet? A shirt? A pants? A ring? A necklace? A so many things I can get him! I failed at fixing a jigsaw puzzle for him, utterly failed. I'm such a failure. Can't fix the damned black parts. *Sigh*

~~What if all I had for you was my love~~

Be more optimistic! Why am I so freaking pessimistic nowadays?! What happened Jin?! *Shakes till hair drops off* What has eaten into you?

If I asked myself, I'm not so sure either. Could be millions of factors mounting to the change in me. As we grow old, we get bitter? LOL! Ok that's rubbish, scrape that. Anyways, I'm getting tired. Updates for all, cheers. =) Stay cool.

To my baby boy, I love you. :3

Untitled Story

2008-06-23T18:50:00.007+08:00

Part 1 ( Revised: 26/6 )
The sea breeze blew gently, the sun slowly setting in the distant horizon, they set alone atop a rocky parapet enjoying the moment together. Their hands held each other, body leaning on the other. Time slowed down, they felt alone together, they felt like they were the only people alive. Leo brought Will's hand to his lips, and kissed it gently.

Will turned to look at Leo, the unkempt dark-brown hair he loved to ruffle, the deep black eyes that's always hiding something, the smile that never faded, the slim body he adored hugging. Leo stared back at a slightly chubby man, with tanned skin, handsome hair with an adorable face. Even though Leo was years older than Will, but to them, age did not matter at all, love was what kept them going.

Will smiled brightly.

"Lets put our love to the test." said Leo abruptly. Will stared for a moment, and replied, "How?". There was a moment of silence before Leo leaned close to Will's ear and whispered. Will smiled gently and hugged Leo. "Shall we?" asked Leo. Will nodded in silence and said quietly, "Promise me...". Leo hugged Will closer, "Trust me." he replied earnestly.

What they planned to do, only they knew. And as the sun finally disappeared in the distant horizon, they let go of each other's hand and walked in seperate ways. Neither turned back to look at the other. A fierce determination set upon both their faces.

The scene faded, and replayed itself again, fresh tears rolling down Leo's face. What have I done...? He mouthed the word to no one in particular. Kneeling down and placing his face upon his hands. "Sir? Are you still there sir?" spoke a woman on the other end of the line, from a phone that laid on the floor still engaged.

Part 2
The sun shone bright, the birds chirping merrily away, everything looked so happy. A man sat quietly under a tree, he looked like he haven't rested in days. His lips were pale and cracked, eyes staring into space. A handphone rang noisily away in his pocket, but he made no move to pick it up.

To be continued

Back From Thailand

2008-06-22T23:20:00.003+08:00

Alrighty! I'm back and I have just enough energy to blog about the events and stuff. Loadsa pictures included! (And I hope the bandwidth don't run out anytime soon) It's a wonderful place (Phuket) and I love the shopping alot. The food is cheap, the lodging is very nice. (If you went in a couple it would be the best) I've bought 3 T-shirts (One of which is given to baby), a pair of pants and a pair of sunglasses. If only we weren't saving money for the last day, we would have bought more. The last day of shopping was disappointing as there's nothing to buy in that shopping center. ;\

But anyways, lets tell the story with pictures! =)

Taken in Terminal 2 while waiting for the gate to be opened for boarding.

Taken while on board the plane. ^_^ Nice view don't you think?

On the way to hotel. Was stopping by another hotel. Looks pretty nice so just took it. Nothing extraordinary though. Haha.

This is my lodging. Blue Marine Resortel. The toilet is the best part if you went with a couple I think. Haha. Cause there's two sliding doors which can't be locked. xD And it's just an amazing lodging. =)

The next few photo are the nicer pictures I took. For more, I'll be placing links so to save bandwidth. xD

Ok I'm getting lazy. The album is located HERE.

I'm tired. So see ya next time. ;)

Trip To Thailand!

2008-06-18T01:22:00.002+08:00

Yoshi! I'm going on a trip to Thailand! Phuket. =\ I was hoping to go bangkok where I can shop till I drop. But nevermind, I hope Phuket has somewhere to shop till I drop. And other than that, I wanna eat till I drop and SLEEP TILL I DROP! Hell yea. It's been ages since I've last went overseas. =) And I'm going this thursday on a 6:30pm plane. Wish me Bon Voyage!

Will be setting off at 3pm so supposedly I will be waking up to pack my stuff at around 12pm. LOL! Yes, I like to do things late and rush. ;x But I bet I can't, my mom will yank me out of bed and throw me into the toilet and then force a tooth brush into my teeth and squishing the entire tube of colgate into my mouth and pouring 1 lite of water to rinse my mouth, then she'd throw me to the kitchen and force 2 bread down my throat while pouring a cup of milk too.

LOL. Ok, so that does not happen, and it never will. =\ But alas, imaginative mind are always fun. =) Be back on Saturday I think. With only one day to shop and drop, eat and shit. I MUST SPEND IT WISELY! ;x And anyways, that aside. My self-learning of piano is going rather smoothly. Proceeding to the third page of Moonlight Sonata Mvt 1. And I've just learnt... DOUBLE SHARP! Yes, double sharp. So troublesome. But heck, can play can already. ;D Piano is FUN! And I've managed the first measure of Songs from a Secret Garden. And I meddled abit with Forbidden Love. Haha.

And I bombed 40k in Rohan! I was trying to forge a unique and I just went on a spending spree. And boom, there goes my crones (In-game currency). But nevermind haha, it's worth the gamble I'm sure. It's fun to gamble. ;x Though I don't like to gamble with any other thing other than fake things. Any "real" things I won't gamble. Cause I hate gambling to the CORE. =)

Did I mention that... I HAVEN'T TOUCH MY ASSIGNMENTS YET?! Yes, horrible. And when I'm back I'll be left with only... 1 DAY?! Haha, I'm screwed ten times over. And a C++ exam right after that and a 3D Max exam and and and. Ah screw it all. So many things and I'm so lazy. Why? Cause my life has changed so much. Music has become part of my focus aside from programming and school. Love has also taken a huge part in my life.

Now I'm unsure what's to happen in the future. My school work is trailing... I think it's time I bucked up. There's no future in slacking. =\ I wonder how's everyone doing...

ALSO! I finished watching Shakugan no Shana II. Good show you should try it. And other than that, nope. Nothing else. I'm slacking too much. Damned SP, exam should take place before holidays not AFTER. Please use brain to think next time. Assignments should be done during SCHOOL PERIOD and not during holidays EITHER. So screwed. Argh. Whoever plans the timetable sure ain't thinking straight. OMG, HE'S GAY!

Ok crap. That's it for the update. Till next time, see ya. =D